242: Why Goals are NOT the Goal

Extraordinary is a choice. Take that in, soak it up because of the hustle grind, repeat mantra that society has been touting for decades. It had it all wrong. I’m Tanya Dalton. I’m a seven figure entrepreneur best-selling author speaker, mom, and rule-breaker I’m here to help you live to your fullest potential. That’s what this podcast is all about. The intentional advantage is doing life on our own terms.

 

Define the status quo and seeing ourselves outside of the tidy definition. Society’s name for us. It’s intentionally choosing to step back away from the chaotic rush of your every day and choosing, choosing to see that it’s your world and it’s filled with opportunities. Let’s challenge the bedrock beliefs that so many have wholeheartedly trusted because we were told they were truths. Let’s have a healthy disregard for the impossible.

 

Let’s choose to be extraordinary. Hello Hello, and welcome to the Intentional advantage podcast. I’m your host, Tanya Dalton. This is episode 242, and I have my very favorite person in the whole world here with me today. John Dalton. Hello, Everybody. Glad to be Back. Oh, it’s written in your contract. It’s not real. She got realized you have to be on the show once every season.

 

I, I rewrote our marriage contract when we had 20 years when we re-upped it. Yeah. Well, I didn’t think that that was going to be disclosed on the podcast. Right? Okay. Well, I wanted to have John on the podcast today because this is a big day. Today is a huge day. Big. It’s huge. Yes. Today is the day that on-purpose my newest book is officially launched it’s out into the world.

 

And so I was going to come up here and record this podcast, but then I thought, you know what? I’m going to do this by myself. I’m gonna do it with John. Yeah. That’s more fun. Right? Well, Let’s talk about last time I launched a book. Oh boy. The last time I launched a book, which was almost exactly two years ago and I was in New York city for launch day.

 

And you were here in Asheville. I was here. Yes. And we spent that launch day apart and I called you crying while I was eating dinner, because I was like, this is an amazing huge day. And I’m not here with you. Right. That was a Mistake. It was a mistake. And so we’re never going to do that again.

 

No, Absolutely not. We agree that we are never doing a launch day apart again, because it was just, I mean, this is the thing is the book has my name on it, but it’s our book. Like you’re as much a part of writing that book as I am. I mean, you were there with me as I spent hours on the couch,

 

walking around the house, trying to map everything out. And I think we’re going to do, I think for next season, we should do a behind the book kind of podcast episode talking about, I mean, because that’s a big goal. Right? Right. Absolutely. And so I think we’re going to get to the behind the scenes, but I just wanted to touch on that just a little bit today because you were an integral part of that.

 

And it’s a big goal, which the book was supposed to actually be about goal setting, right? Yeah. It was When I got my book deal, we said that I was going to write a book on goal setting, which I thought would be big kid walk. I’ve talked about goals. Like how many times on the podcast alone, let alone lives all kinds of things.

 

And then when I sat down to really start writing the book, it wasn’t about goal setting. I mean, goal setting was in it. Right. It’s part of it. It’s part of it, but it’s not what the book is about. The goals are the vehicle to get us to the life we want. Right. They’re the stepping stones. Right.

 

They’re like the markers on the roadmap that really gets us to that life that we’re looking for. Right. And so when it came down to it, this whole idea of writing a whole book about goals didn’t seem like that was right. Yeah. It seemed like it needed to be bigger than that. And so it was really interesting because you and I,

 

we sat down and I mapped out a bunch of ideas and thoughts. And as I started working through it, we began to realize goals are not the goal. That’s right. They’re not the goal. The goals are much bigger than that. It’s really about what you’re wanting to do with your life and where you’re going. Right. And the goals help get you there,

 

but they’re not really the end all be all right. I mean, there are definitely benefits to goal-setting. Oh, absolutely. Yes. I mean just setting the goals themselves, you you’re able to increase your productivity, have a greater sense of accomplishment when you achieve those goals. But there’s, there’s a lot more to it than that, Right. I mean,

 

they’re great because they do, they boost your motivation. They help you laser in and get focused and they can increase your confidence. Right. Especially after we achieve a goal that we’ve set. I mean, the list goes on and on goals are great, which is why goals are a part of the book, but it’s not, it’s not what we’re looking for in life.

 

And I think that’s the biggest mistake that people make is they think that goals are the end all be all of everything. Like if I just accomplish this goal, then suddenly life will be easy or life will be happier or life will be whatever it is you’re looking for. And so there’s this imaginary finish line that we’re looking that we think we’re going to cross and happiness is on the other side.

 

Yes. And there’s lots and lots of research and examples of how this can go really badly for people. Right, right, Right. I mean, there’s a whole dark side to goal-setting. So this is something that you don’t hear a lot about, especially because, well, I mean, goals have become one of those things that is synonymous with like hustle and grind and achieve and constantly be moving and all of that stuff.

 

Right? Yes. And that’s become kind of a problem in today’s society is that, you know, we’re just striving for this next achievement and not really keeping our eye on really the longterm and really what we’re trying to do. Yeah. I mean, like you could say that, that we become addicted to setting and accomplishing goals. I mean, in the same way that we get addicted to our to-do list,

 

which we’ve talked about on the podcast before this idea that when we check off a task on our list, it feels really good. We get that dopamine hit and we, we start putting on our lists, these like nitpicky little things just so we can cross them off or our brain will automatically go for the small, easy win simply for that dopamine hit.

 

So we can check it off our list. Right. Right. And I, I think your, your goal setting, he can get, you caught in that same trap of just going from one goal to the next to the next and not really thinking about where you’re, you’re really wanting to go. Yes. I absolutely agree. I, and I think that,

 

that was the thing with writing this book is I wanted it to be so much bigger than just the goals. I want it to be about that big picture of where it is. You want to go, what that life looks like, that you’re wanting to live. If you’re wanting to live on purpose, thus the name of the book, if you’re wanting to live on purpose goals,

 

help us get there. But goals are not, that’s not what we’re looking for. We’re looking for something bigger. We’re looking for something much grander. And I think one of the big things to, to make sure it’s really clear is that when we’re talking about this idea of purpose, I feel like it’s so heavy. It’s such like, oh, this heavily weighted word.

 

And I think people get really caught up in that idea of purpose and that it’s like, once you’ve set your purpose, it’s done. It’s like set in stone. Right? Yeah. And we’ve talked about that before with, with goal setting is that, that holds people back that they think, oh my gosh, I can’t decide what this purpose is going to be,

 

because then that’s, that’s gonna define me for the rest of my life. And that’s not the case. No, absolutely not. That changes over time, but having something much bigger than today really allows you to push yourself in a really nurturing, encouraging way to getting to that bigger thing that you’re wanting. Right. So I like to say, and this is why I talk about in the book is living on purpose.

 

Isn’t about changing who you are. It’s rising up and becoming the best version of you. It’s really about living bigger than today. It’s looking far into the future and saying, this is what I think I want not, this is what I have to have. This is not, you know, it’s not, again, set in stone. It’s really just tying yourself to something that is much bigger,

 

10 years, 20 years, even down the road in the book, we call it a cathedral. So I think that is really, that’s really what I want to talk about today. I want to talk about why goals are not the goal. I want to talk about what we get wrong with goal setting, how we can flip that around to really benefit us and work for us.

 

And I want to do it with you. I think this is gonna be a lot of fun. Yeah. Let’s do This. I’m ready. Yeah. Well the kids have gone to get ice cream, which is like the best part of kids having driver’s licenses. I can send them to go get stuff after Dinner, not just stuff but ice cream.

 

Right? Yeah. So, so yeah. So we’re gonna, we’re gonna keep our eye on the, find your iPhone app so I could see where the kids are, but I thought it’d be fun for us just to kind of pop upstairs. Obviously we’re recording this before launch day. This is a podcast that, you know, it’s recorded. So we’re several weeks before Jack has not even left to go to college yet.

 

All right. Let’s get into the goal setting. Let’s do that. Let’s talk about what we get wrong with goal setting, because I feel like goal setting is one of those things that we feel should be easy because it’s something that it’s almost like an expectation. Of course you set goals, so why would it be difficult? And then we feel like a failure when it doesn’t work out.

 

Right. And I think the problem is like we talked about a moment ago is we treat the goals as if they’re a destination in and of themselves. Right? So we feel like when we get there, everything’s going to be great. And that’s not usually how it works out, you know? And that’s something that you talk about the someday syndrome, Right.

 

Which is the whole idea that someday I’ll be happy someday after I achieved this goal. And it becomes this never ending finish line, like a Mirage in the desert that just keeps getting further and further and further and further and further away. And it just ends up becoming self-defeating because you’re never actually accomplishing it or you do accomplish it. And that finish line has suddenly moved once again.

 

Right. Keep moving the goalpost a little bit like, okay. Yeah. Once I reach this milestone, everything’s going to be great. You get there. And you’re like, well, that’s not that great. Maybe I need to make, make it another 20 yards or another six figures or whatever that goal might be. Right. Right. Well, and what happens is,

 

you know, because we, we set someday on a pedestal and becomes this like, oh, once we reach this someday, it’s going to, everything’s going to be amazing. What happens is when we do achieve that goal, we get this amazing hit a dopamine that’s temporary, and then it wears away. And the next thing we know we’re chasing for the next high,

 

another task to cross off another goal, to set another thing to tout as a badge of honor, right? And this is called, this is actually a very well-studied phenomenon called the goal setting paradox, which is essentially it shows. And it proves that when we achieve a goal, there is this fleeting moment, this light, high, amazing moment followed by a feeling of now,

 

what, what do I do now? Sometimes it’s like a total crash and dread that hits people. And you know, this is very common in athletes that I know we’ve watched several things about this. There was that documentary that we watched Documentary About him and other Olympians and how The heavyweight of gold. Yes, Yes. That’s what, that was the name of it.

 

It was, and it was about how they had been striving their entire life for one singular goal. And then when that’s over for most of them in their early twenties, they don’t know what to do with their life. And, and it’s, and it, it causes massive amounts of anxiety and depression and sometimes drug abuse and even suicide. Yeah, there,

 

it was, that was one of the really unsettling and upsetting things with that documentary was the incredibly high suicide rate of Olympic athletes. These Olympians who’ve achieved, incredible things, just getting to the Olympics. Right. And it wasn’t really even necessarily tied to whether they got a metal or not, but it was this whole thing about they had spent a good chunk of their life focused on this one goal of getting to the Olympics.

 

And then once it was over, they didn’t know what to do with themselves. And there’s this whole, I mean, it’s, it’s terrible. It was really, really, really very sad. It’s a great, it was a great documentary to watch though. It was really insightful. Yeah. I definitely recommend it. And you know, it’s one of those things where it’s a really good illustration of what we mean when we say the goal is not the goal,

 

because once you achieve that, that doesn’t mean your life is over or that, that you have achieved everything that you’ve set out to achieve. That’s just one thing in the journey of life. And that’s why the goal, isn’t the goal. It’s it’s about what is your purpose? Yes. And that’s the thing is, there’s just, I mean, I love that term,

 

the heavy weight of gold. These are people that we look at and we think, oh my gosh, they have it all together. Well, I mean, they’re amazingly disciplined. So that’s something that a lot of times we blame ourselves. So we don’t accomplish our goals because we don’t have enough discipline. We don’t have enough willpower and we’re not good enough.

 

We’re not whatever it is. And we look at somebody who’s gone to the Olympics and you think, well, they they’ve got their shit together. Right. Then they go through this terrible depression afterwards because they haven’t tied it to a bigger purpose. So what I don’t want you to do is I don’t want you to like, you know, go into this rabbit hole of despair of like,

 

oh, I’ve been setting goals. This is like the worst thing ever. We’re going to talk about. There’s a lot of good benefits to this, but I think it’s really important to acknowledge that there’s a lot of mistakes that people make when they set goals. Yes, absolutely. And it’s really about, you know, looking beyond the goal and trying to determine who you are and what you want to be,

 

and it’s not letting that goal define you. And I think that’s the mistake. A lot of people make. And a lot of these athletes that is their whole life, and that is what defines them is that one, two minute race or whatever it is that they’re in, in life is much bigger than that. There’s so many more things to it.

 

Yeah. Like they talk about how they’ve, they’ve sacrificed, they’ve sacrificed for many of them, they sacrifice their whole childhood. Their whole childhood has been spent, you know, like Michael Phelps is like at the pool the whole time. They don’t have a lot of friends outside of people that are racing against competitors and those types of people, the coaches. And so they,

 

they don’t have this holistic full life. It is all laser focused on a goal. This is why discipline doesn’t work. I mean, quite frankly, because when you laser in so hardcore, so sharply, everything else goes out of focus. And that’s what we want to avoid. We want to live a life that feels meaningful. We want to feel a life that feels like it’s full of purpose.

 

We want to have an extraordinary life of meaning and success, right? I mean, that’s why it’s the subtitle of the book. We want more than the goal. And there’s nothing wrong with that. You know, there’s nothing wrong with wanting more, to, to want to have success at home, having success at work, having success in your relationships,

 

having success in multiple places, there’s nothing wrong with that. That doesn’t make you greedy. It doesn’t make you selfish. It means that your rent, what you’re looking for is a life that feels rich a life that feels like it is nourished in all areas. And I think that’s really important. Oh, 100%. You know, life is much more than just success.

 

Whether that’s in sports or your career, you know, you talk about in your, in your first book, a lot about harmony. That’s a part of this too. It’s it’s about having a well-rounded life. Things that you enjoy, something that’s really fulfilling. And if you focus just on one thing, a lot of those other things are gonna fall to the side,

 

right? And that in the joy of missing out, we talk about that whole bike analogy that it’s good. You want to lean in your bike. You want to be able to lean so you can choose the direction you go. But if you lean too far, you’re going to fall over. You’re going to skin your knee. You’re going to hurt yourself.

 

Right. You have to lean and you have to counterbalance. And it’s the same thing here. When we talk about our goals, we want to counterbalance. We don’t want to be so laser focused on this one idea, this one definition of success, which a lot of times this tied to numbers, right? We talk about that in the new book that it’s tied to our numbers.

 

And that’s something I want to do a whole episode on. I think for the next season probably, or we tie it to titles, accolades. What other people think of us? All of those things, instead of really thinking about what it is that we want and creating that life of purpose, Right? Yes. And that those kinds of goals in a singular fashion almost never bring you long-term happiness,

 

Right? It’s the culmination of multiple parts of us, multiple goals in different areas. So let’s talk about the right ways to approach goal setting the healthy way we could say the on-purpose way. But before we do that, let’s take a quick, mid episode break. We need to check to see where the kids are. I need to check where my chocolate peanut butter milkshake is and how long we’ve got till they get here.

 

Yeah. Because we didn’t want to finish on time to eat that before it Melts you order, by the way. Oh, I think I got the salted caramel something, something, I dunno, it’s going to be delicious. All right. Quick, mid episode break and we’ll be right back. So I think today’s mid episode break will not come as any surprise to you.

 

I’m going to tell you right now, if you have not ordered your copy of on-purpose, the busy woman’s guide to an extraordinary life of meaning and success. You need to pause the podcast right now, go and order it right away because it’s out, it’s out in the world. You can go to your local bookstore. You can go to the independent bookstore.

 

You can go to Barnes and noble. You can go to Amazon and get your copy of the book. And when you get your copy, get a copy for a friend because I have a whole interactive reader’s guide that goes with the book you’re going to absolutely love diving into, with a friend. So you can get all the information on where the book can be found@Tanyadalton.com

 

slash on purpose, or just go to your local bookstore online and search for on purpose or my name, Tanya Dalton. But I really would love for you to grab a copy of on-purpose. You’ve heard us talking about it today. Well, let’s be honest. You’ve heard me talking about it all season long, but I want you to get a copy of this book because I truly,

 

I don’t just believe I know this book has the ability to take those giant audacious goals, those big dreams that you’ve had and turn them into a reality it’s super easy to do. Bite-size actionable, easy to implement. All right. Tanya dalton.com/on purpose. Okay. So we checked on the kids and they are on their way home now. Yes. Hopefully not with melted ice cream.

 

Hopefully not, hopefully not. So what I’d love to do is for this last half of the show, let’s dive into some tips and some ideas of how we can really approach goal-setting from a healthy place. So it becomes achievable. So it’s something that we’re excited about, and it’s not something that we’re striving for. Right? It’s something that feels achievable and feels good.

 

That sounds great. All right. Let’s start with tip number one. And this one I don’t think is going to be any surprise to anybody, make the goal about something bigger. I mean, if you listen to the first part of this podcast, that was everything we were saying there, that we want to make our goals, not the goal, but something attached to something bigger.

 

Because when we attach our goals to a bigger purpose, a bigger calling, whatever it is you want to call it, it allows that winning feeling to stretch. Because every time we accomplish a goal, whether it’s a big goal or a little goal or a tiny goal, or a giant goal, anytime we accomplish a goal, we get that winning feeling.

 

And it sticks with us because we’re, we know that we’re on the path to something bigger that it’s attached to something beyond crossing that finish line for that day. Exactly. So what we’re really looking for is when we finish a goal, we know what our next goal is, right? We’re not struggling to figure out, okay, now what that’s, what we’re really trying to put behind us so that we’re always moving forward and making ourselves better,

 

feeling better, happier, whatever that part of your purpose is. Yes. Which is exactly what we talk about when we talk about wayfinding in the book, because that, that’s what it becomes easy to see what the next goal is. You get one goal under your belt and you’re like, oh, I know what the next one is because you’ve created this wayfinding map for yourself that we get into with the book.

 

So tip number one, make the goal about something bigger. Let’s go on to tip number two. We want to let go of any expectations you might have about what achieving success may look like. Now I know that seems counterintuitive, right? Like, wait a minute, let go of expectations of what this looks like. I think again, goals are not the goal,

 

right? And oftentimes it’s the detours of life that get us to the life we’re really meant to live. And if we are so married to everything that we think has to happen, we can get stymied. We can get stuck, right? Yeah. It’s the details that can sometimes derail us because you know, Tanya talked about expectations. How many times do you see what other people’s definition of success is?

 

And that’s what you go after. And what we have to keep in mind is a lot of times what we see is not really real or those people aren’t really happy. So you want to make sure that you’re not focused on what those little details are, of what you think that’s going to feel like at the end of it. So that you’re not,

 

what am I trying to say? Like disappointed or let down. Right. Well, and the other thing is, is oftentimes that’s that own PR that person’s own unique path, that those are the mile markers on their path. It’s not necessarily the same mile markers for you. The, the milestones that you’re going to get to, to get to that life,

 

you want may look very different. And if you have this, like, you know, detailed, very like my Newt step-by-step of how things have to look, you’re right. You’re going to end up disappointed. But also you don’t allow any grace or any room for things to shift because life is messy. Yeah. I mean, we’ve learned that over the last year and a half haven’t we,

 

you know, things never happen the way that you plan them to. So you have to, you have to give yourself the grace and the flexibility to accept when life gives you your goal, but in not quite the way that you were expecting. Right. Yeah. And I think that’s the problem is a lot of times we think we know the absolute best way to reach a destination.

 

And a lot of times we’re not right. Right. A lot of times it looks very different. In fact, the other night, now everybody’s going to know we’re total documentary nerds. I’m about that’s true. Total documentary nerds. I love you. I mean, I’m not gonna apologize for it. No, we okay. So I was going to bring up the Val Kilmer documentary.

 

We just watched not that long ago, so, okay. Let’s just go ahead and say, my name is Tanya Dalton. I am a documentary nerd is my husband, John, also a documentary nerd. But I mean, I feel like total side note here, a lot of times movies are great and I love movies, but real life is so much more fascinating.

 

I mean, like these stories are things that you would never expect and you wouldn’t believe if they were written into scripts. And I, I felt like the Val Kilmer one was a really good one. It really was. It was, it was something on the surface that seems maybe even a little bit sad, but when you really sit down and you,

 

and you watch the documentary and you listen to how his life unfolds, you realize that in many ways he’s achieving his goals, but in a completely different way than he thought Absolutely different way. Right. So, okay. Let me back up and give a little bit of detail here because the Val Kilmer documentary talks about how he is. He’s like this,

 

like classically trained actor and he wanted to get these amazing roles. And of course he ends being like Iceman in tough gun. And which is why I really wanted to watch the documentary. I thought maybe we see the volleyball scene. Just boy, I wanted to throw that out there. But he talks about how he has had this dream, his whole life to create this community of artists.

 

And so he has all this land in New Mexico that he had earmarked as this area that he was going to build this giant community full of all different kinds of artists. And throughout his career, he’s been thinking about this, having this giant goal, and what ends up happening is he doesn’t get the roles he wants. He’s not really doing the classical. He plays Batman.

 

He’s right, doing, you know, doc holiday on tombstone. So he decides he’s going to create his own play that he’s going to do. And he wants to turn it into a movie. And it’s all about mark Twain, not going to get into details there. What ends up happening though, is he has to sell the land. He gets to a point where he’s like,

 

I either have to sell this land so I can pursue this dream of creating this mark Twain documentary, which is like his not documentary movie. Right. Which is like for him, this like ultimate dream. So he’s like, you know what? I’m not gonna be able to do this artist community. I have to sell the land. And while he’s gearing up for this movie,

 

he wants to create, he has throat cancer And he loses his Voice within 24 hours, within 24 hours, he goes from having a regular voice to having no voice. And now he has to talk with a stoma, which is like a hole in your throat that he has to plug up. And he’s very hard to understand because of it. So his acting days are done.

 

Right? And you think, oh my gosh, here’s this guy who has this whole dream of, you know, creating this community for artists. And he wants to be at this actor and all these things and he sold the land and now he’s not going to be the actor he wanted. This is, I mean, I remember you looked over at me,

 

we were laying in bed and watching the documentary, you looked and you go, this is, so this is heartbreaking. That’s what you said, right? Yeah. I mean, he was a very good actor. He was very attractive. He was very successful. And here he is, he can’t act, he can barely speak. And you know,

 

it’s affected his health in many ways. And you know, he’s, he’s kind of almost broke, right? Yeah. But what I thought was so interesting is literally just a few minutes after you said, you looked at me and said that he says this line that just like floored me. And he said, because of my throat cancer, I lost opportunities,

 

opportunities that probably would have taken me away from the real opportunity in my life. Because what ended up happening was he ended up creating this small community within this building, right. Of these artists of all different kinds. And they start showcasing all these different types of artists, these actors and painters, and I mean, sketch artists and photographers. And he has created this whole community,

 

which was his whole dream all along. And he had believed the way for him to achieve that dream was for him to be this amazing actor when really that was the distraction. Yeah. That was keeping him from really understanding and reaching what his true goal was. He was so focused on what he thought it should be. It was actually keeping him from achieving it.

 

Yes. I thought that was so amazing because when we marry ourselves to one single way of doing something, we limit ourselves to all the other possibilities out there that may actually get us to that, that purpose that we want that road to any destination is very rarely a straight line, right? Yes, absolutely. And you know, you, we want to get to the point like Val Kilmer,

 

where he can look at his disease and the loss of his voice and be grateful for it, right. Because life does not always unfold the way that you think it does. And like Tanya said, if you’re laser focused on this is what my life is going to be. And you get derailed. Sometimes you have a hard time finding your way back,

 

right? The derailment becomes a disappointment when oftentimes the detour becomes the opportunity. It becomes the new door. You didn’t even know was there this new door that’s available to you to open that you wouldn’t have even seen. And that was the thing is he didn’t even see this as an opportunity until he had throat cancer. So I love this whole idea of not being married to step by step by step of exactly.

 

And here I am a productivity expert, you know, I love step-by-step right. John knows this, but we need to give ourselves that grace for, for life to happen, which actually leads me to my last tip, which is, this is why you need to use a framework. This is why a framework really helps you out in incredible ways. And a framework is not a step-by-step by step-by-step detailed map.

 

I like to equate a framework to the skeleton in your body, your skeleton, doesn’t tell your body to run and jump and skip and hop and do all those things, but it allows your body to choose to do that because the book is all about the power of choice. This season of the podcast is all about the power of choice. Having that framework allows you to see those choices and to see those opportunities.

 

So when we have a framework in mind that helps you. And that’s one of the things that I really dove into as I was writing the book, because, you know, for years I talked about smart goals and I struggled with it because while I liked that framework and I liked the simplicity of it, it didn’t really apply. I mean, smart goals were invented in the 1980s.

 

Life has changed since then. And so I spent some time really diving into a different approach. How can we create a new framework for not just setting, but achieving our goals to really allow us to get to those goals. So I came up with the new framework called the impact framework. So smart goals, that’s from the 1980s impact goals, or you can call them goals with impact.

 

That’s what I think you’re going to love. And that’s one of the things that we really dive into in the book. So, yeah, and I think you guys are going to really love this part of the book. It’s a great refresh of the old smart goals. And it really builds in a lot of these things that we’re talking about, you know,

 

with being flexible and accepting those bumps in the road, because life is a lot more complicated than it used to be. And there’s a lot more distractions and everything else that you have to, you know, kind of figure into your plans and, and this framework is going to allow you to do that. So I’m really excited about it. I am.

 

So, I mean, because here’s the thing, when you write a book, it’s an 18 month process. So I’ve been keeping this under wraps for months I need for months. So it is so amazing to be able to like, even talk about it even slightly, but here’s the deal. I am not going to get into the ins and outs of the impact method on the show today.

 

I’m going to save that for next season. So if you want to dive in, if you want to learn how this new method works, you’re going to have to go grab a copy of the book you knew that was coming, right? Oh yeah. I think we all knew that was Coming, but this is the thing is I want you to really dive deep with it and to really understand and be able to implement it so that then we can have a good conversation about it.

 

You know, several weeks down the road, when we get into the next season in the book, I also dive into the systems you’re going to need to take action and systems are one of those things that really allow you to actually achieve the goals. It’s not just about setting goals, it’s getting to those goals. How do you get, we talk about in the book,

 

it’s the beat of why, right. We know a where we are now and we know Z where we want to get, what’s the beat of why what’s the in between? How do we get there? So really allowing yourself to break down your goals, into tangible, manageable pieces and, you know, really allow yourself to, to achieve those goals.

 

Yes. It’s about those steps that we talked about in the very beginning of the podcast, you know, you want to have those, those kinds of bigger goals and then kind of go back and fill in those stepping stones that you’re going to take to get to them. So that you’re, you know, you’re having those little moments of achievement all along that path while allowing yourself the flexibility to see or understand when life takes you down a new path,

 

right? Because it’s not enough to set the goals. I mean, if you think about it, any sports event, football, basketball, baseball, chess, that count as a sports event, we have competitors who have the same goal. The goal is to win well. If all it takes is setting a goal, then why don’t both of them win.

 

It’s all the methodology that goes into it. Having those systems in place, having the boundaries, understanding how you’re using your time, all of those things that we go into in the book, right? So this is really just your, this is your intro into this whole idea because we’re going to be exploring this, not just, you know, here on the podcast,

 

we were just talking about it in the book. We’re gonna be talking about it through next season as well. I know we still have a few episodes for this season still to go, but I was just so excited. I wanted to kind of dive in and give you guys an idea of what, what we get into with this book, since it is,

 

since it is launch day and there’s nobody else I’d rather celebrate with you, John and my listeners, it’s, you know, it is a big accomplishment because it’s tied to something bigger. This is not my goal. It’s bigger, right? Yep. Just another stepping stone. And I’m so happy to be here. We talked about last time, how I wasn’t there on launch day.

 

So I’m really excited that we’re together. We’re talking about it with all of you and you know, we’re going to be together for the rest of the day, enjoying, you know, everything that, that happens alone along the way, We’re in it together. And I think that’s the, that’s the most important thing to me that’s bigger than any goal as far as I’m concerned.

 

So that’s, that’s kind of the big message for today. Guys, that goals are not the goal that really that when it comes to designing a life that is really truly made for us and our own unique needs and desires and tastes. When we allow some wiggle room, some flexibility, some grace, when we make our lives about something bigger than today,

 

that’s when it starts to really have meaning. That’s when we achieve that extraordinary life that we’re really looking for. And that’s, that’s when the magic happens. When we stop stuffing ourselves inside those tiny little boxes, we’ve been shoving ourselves into for all those years, trying to fit with everybody else wants for us. That’s really when we have the intentional advantage.

 

Thanks so much for joining me today. Quick question though, before you go, do you like prizes? When you leave a rating and review of the Intentional advantage podcast, you’ll be entered to win my life changing course, multiplying your time. Simply leave the review and then send me an email@helloatTanyadalton.com with screenshot. I choose one winner at the end of every month.

 

So go ahead and do it right now. Just a quick comment with what you loved about this episode or the show in general and a rating and send it our way. Not going to lie by stars is my favorite, but I’d love to hear what you think of the show. And if that’s not enough of an incentive for you to win the multiplying your time course,

 

I have to tell you the reviews are the number one thing that supports this podcast. And me, it’s the best way to spread the word and get business tips and strategies to all those other women out there who need it. So there you go. Two great reasons for you to go and leave a review right now. So go ahead and do it,

 

send that screenshot my way, because I want to give you a free course. And thanks again for listening today. I’ll be back next Tuesday and I’ll plan to see you then.

 

 

**This transcript was made using AI — there may be grammar errors and misspellings.

Tanya Dalton has been called the best female motivational keynote speaker on the topics of productivity, time management, goal setting and finding balance. She is a woman on a mission to redefine productivity and help you find meaning your work.