The Big Idea
Life rarely goes as planned… that’s sometimes the best part.
Questions I Answer
- How do I recover from a failure?
- What can I do if I get off track?
- How do I find my purpose?
- How do I decide what to do next?
Extraordinary is a choice. Take that in, soak it up because of the hustle grind, repeat mantra that society has been touting for decades. It added all wrong. I’m Tanya Dalton. I’m a seven figure entrepreneur best-selling author speaker, mom, and rule-breaker I’m here to help you live to your fullest potential. That’s what this podcast is all about. The intentional advantage is doing life on our own terms.
Define the status quo and seeing ourselves outside of the tie-dye definition. Society’s name for us. It’s intentionally choosing to step back away from the chaotic rush of your every day and choosing, choosing to see that it’s your world. And it’s filled with opportunities. Let’s challenge the bedrock beliefs that so many have wholeheartedly trusted because we were told they were truths. Let’s have a healthy disregard for the impossible.
Let’s choose to be extraordinary. Hello? Hello everyone. Welcome to the intentional advantage podcast. I’m your host, Tanya Dalton. This is episode 243. It also happens to be our final episode of this season. So all season long, we have really been exploring this idea of designing a life on your own terms, really creating a life that feels meaningful,
that feels incredible, and it feels aligned with what it is you want. And just based off of the DMS and the, the messages and the comments and the emails I’m getting this season has really resonated with so many of you. And I, I have to agree this season has been, it’s been really personal for me because living a life on my own terms has been an evolution for me.
It’s not something that just, you know, happened overnight. All of a sudden I’m living life on my own terms. It’s taken time and you know, honestly, it’s still a part of my growth. And I think that’s the thing too, to keep in mind, you know, you’ll hear me say all the time that life is not set it and forget it.
And it’s true. Even when we’re designing a life on our own terms, those terms may change over time. Or we might need to be reminded of how we can really make our own choices because we forget, even I forget from time to time for me bringing my new book on purpose into the world, it taught me even more about what it means to design a life on my own terms.
And it really, for me, I feel like one of the biggest lessons of writing the book was that lesson of we need to allow for life to, we need allowance. We need grace. All of those are part of me being a work in progress. Just like everybody else in the world. We are beautiful works in progress, which means we’re never done.
We’re never finished. There’s not this like checklist of things that we’re going to get done. And then suddenly we’re like set for the rest of our lives. We’re constantly working because we’re, we’re always changing when we have big dreams about life, on our own terms. The truth is there’s going to be some times where there’s uncertainty and navigating uncertainty. That seems a little bit daunting,
doesn’t it? But that’s what I want to dive into today. This idea of allowance of grace, of navigating when things feel really uncertain. Because if there’s one truth I can tell you about life is that there is a lot of unknowns. We can plan. We can map. We can, we can put things on paper, perfectly, line them all up,
like, you know, beautiful one thing after the next, after the next, the next. But then life happens and life is messy because there is no way around that. And so we need to allow for that, but there’s going to be some uncertainty. That’s what I want to talk about today. How do we deal with uncertainty? Because honestly the whole idea or this whole theme of life on your own terms is really about the opportunity to choose.
We’ve danced around this theme all season long, and we don’t just dance, but we dive which I fully into this whole idea of the power of choice in my book on purpose. I mean, every chapter is about a choice. Every chapter is named a different choice and we dive into it with the pages that follow, right, the power of choice we have the power to choose.
And that includes how we deal with uncertainty. Now this applies whether you are chasing after a big audacious dream or goal, although you and I both know, especially if you’ve read the book, that goals are not the goal. We even had an episode about that. What was that two weeks ago, right? Where we talked about goals or not the goal,
but the power of choice. When we lean into that, when we’re in times of uncertainty really gives us that strong foundation. And I found that without question, while I was writing the book, as the pages were unfolding, before me, as the words were coming out of me and onto the computer, there was this allowance, this surrendering, this uncertainty,
and you know, for anyone who puts himself out there, who is audacious enough to chase those big dreams, you’re going to experience some of those things. You’re going to experience some uncertainty. You’re going to have times where we need to surrender and we need to allow the grace. You know, the experiences we go through when we’re doing anything, that’s worthwhile,
anything that brings us closer to this intentional, authentic life, our most authentic selves, it can be scary. It can be scary because there is a lot of uncertainty. There are a lot of unknowns, and there’s going to be times where you veer off the path that, that perfectly lined up map that you’ve created for yourself. Doesn’t really pan out.
Now getting off the path doesn’t mean we have failed. It just means our path isn’t straight. But what happens is we get off of that path, right? We, we veer off of it, we’re in a detour. And we think that we have absolutely failed. We, we believe that we have done something wrong, that there is, you know,
oh, maybe this is the universe or God or source or whatever you want to call it telling me I shouldn’t be doing this. And I want you to start reframing that this is definitely something that we dive into with the book, but turning an obstacle into an opportunity. That’s what I want to focus on today with you, that pushing through the discomfort,
when you’re bringing something into the world, we know it means stepping out of our comfort zone. Right. But what it looks like when we veer off the path, when things are not exactly as we expected them to me, I know for me, when I’m writing my books, that is bringing something big into the world, right? But my experience of writing my first book,
the joy of missing out and my experience writing the second book on purpose, well, both were really exciting and incredible in different ways. They were extraordinarily different. The whole process of writing felt different. And for a while, as I was writing on purpose, I wondered if I was doing something wrong. If, because it wasn’t like how it felt or how it unfolded with the joy of missing out that somehow I was doing something that wasn’t quite right.
And in fact the opposite is true. It brought me exactly where the book needed to go. And I can guarantee that if you really think about times in your life, when you have been bringing something big into the world, maybe it is a big project or big opportunity. You’re, you’re chasing after a big goal or a dream, or maybe it’s a big shift in your life.
There’s going to be moments of excitement. And there’s going to be moments of fear, maybe even sheer terror, where there’s a lot of uncertainty of where you are, the discomforts that we go through, the, the good and the bad, really give us this incredible opportunity to sit back and recognize that things don’t always go as planned. In fact, they rarely go exactly as planned.
Sometimes they stay pretty true to what we thought it would look like other times it is totally different, right? We’ve talked about this many times here on the show and when things look different than how we picture them and visualize them in our heads, how we really let’s be honest over romanticized, what that path would look like when we get off of track of what that looked like to you.
It’s not that God or the universe is against you. They are always for you. It’s just there for you, but not always in the way that we want it to look. Sometimes it looks very different from what we think we want it to look like. But often it’s the unanswered prayers that get us to where we need to be the things we wanted and asked for.
Let’s be honest, the things that we begged for and didn’t receive, or we got something totally different. Those are often the cornerstones of when we shift into who we really are. And whether you believe in God or the universe or source or whatever it is, even the most perfectly laid out plans, don’t always work out for me. When I was sitting down to write this new book on purpose,
I kind of had to keep myself in check a little bit because we forget that the plans don’t always work out, right? We get this big, beautiful idea in our heads about what the future is going to look like or how this thing is going to come together in the end. And nine times out of 10 things look different. Sometimes they look vastly different.
And again, we think that we’re failing. If it doesn’t look like the way that we pictured it in our heads. And I want us to walk away from this feeling of failure, we believe the opposite of success is failure, but the opposite of success is learning. And sometimes it’s shifting. Sometimes it’s learning who we are as a person, because oftentimes that path we veer off on ends up being even better,
even better than we thought it would be. Sometimes we don’t know that though, until it’s all said and done. So we get to the end of wherever we’re going and we look backwards and we go, oh, that really was amazing. Right? I mean, life is a little bit frustrating, a little bit funny that way. And for me with writing on purpose,
I did have a plan. I had a very specific plan. I had the whole thing mapped out. I, you know, thought I was going to do these certain chapters. It was going to go in this order. Everything else was like, everything was nailed down. Right. I had it all outlined out that was in February of 2020. And then I think we all know what happened in March of 2020.
Everything shifted everything and everyone’s world around the planet shifted. Right? And I couldn’t get back to the book because who could focus on writing a book while this pandemic is happening. And I kept putting it off and I kept putting off and I kept putting it off because how could I focus on that? When I have kids who I’m meeting to homeschool and I’ve got,
you know, I’ve got things at work and my business I’m trying to navigate. I’ve got employees and team members who I need to make sure feel good and confident about coming into work. So I was stressed. We got to summer, we got to June. And I had plans that starting in March, I was going to write a chapter every month.
I had it all mapped out. Oh, it’s going to be so easy. I got to summer. And I hadn’t written a chapter. Hadn’t written a chapter. And I was like, oh my gosh, this is awful. This is stressful. This is totally not what I wanted, but it was exactly what I needed because between March and around June,
so much of me shifted and changed. And I allowed that space so that when I went to go sit down and start writing that whole outline I had prepared, had to be thrown out the window. Not is a really good thing. I’m so much happier. Now that I threw that outline out, I could have felt stuck. I could have felt like,
well, I’ve already created this outline. So this is what I have to do, but I didn’t damn. I’m happy. I didn’t because the book is so much better because of it. And I’m not going to lie. There were days where I felt like I was fighting tooth and nail to get the words down on the page. Because again, I have kids at home.
It’s now summertime, I’ve got the timeline of when I supposed to turn things into my editor, but it was during those most trying times that I realized, huh, I gotta give myself some space here. If I learned from walking away and giving myself space for March until the summertime, what am I going to learn? If I just allow the book to evolve?
If I give the book time, it needs to grow and shift in its own way. Now I’m not saying I procrastinated. I’m not saying, although I did from March until summertime. Right. But when it was time, when I was like, okay, I got to get to writing the book. It’s not about procrastination. I think we think that if we’re not hustling and we’re not getting things done,
if we’re not checking them off the list, then we’re a procrastinator. And that’s not true. If you’re intentionally giving yourself some space that allows whatever it is, you’re working on to evolve, to shift, to grow, to be this organic thing that shows you where it needs to be. And like I said, for me with this book, that’s exactly what I had to do when I first sent in my proposal for this book.
Number two, because at the time it was not titled on purpose. It was titled something totally different. I sent it to my editor and we talked about that. I had every intention of writing a book on goal setting on setting goals. I have taught thousands and thousands of women how to set and how to achieve goals. Women love the goal setting programs I’ve created.
That’s part of the reason why we have the whole extraordinary life blueprint, where it ties in a lot of that goal setting. And the new book does have goal-setting in it now, but it’s not the focus. Right. But that’s what I told my editor. I was going to write. I was going to write a book on goal setting and that’s not what I ended up with.
Yes. We talk about how to set goals and the new process that I use to, to really uncover what the goals are in my life and how you can use big dreams to then back up and decide what your goals are. Because I was realizing that was one of the big things that people were struggling with. Not just how do I accomplish the goals,
but what goals are met for me. And that’s what started to evolve as I gave the book space. That’s why the book is so much more than a how to set goals, kind of a book without question. I’m so happy that it turned out the way that it did, because it’s so much better, so much bigger than I thought it would be.
And I feel like it actually really dives into the heart of why so many women struggle. And that’s really why I wrote the book. This is, this is why I’m so excited that so many of you have already purchased the book. And if you haven’t gotten it, why I want you to get it, because I know that the way that I wrote this book,
it changed my life. And I know it’ll change yours. Okay. Let’s back up just a little bit, because I want to speak to the true heart of this episode, which is really this idea of giving ourselves the grace. We need to really grow to step into ourselves and the most authentic way possible, because truly that’s what these times of uncertainty and when plans go astray,
that’s what it really teaches us that it’s okay to sit back and let what must be be it’s okay. If things turn out a little bit differently than what we may be imagined, they would more often than not. There are beauty in those moments. There’s beauty in that grace. And when we’re able to understand that when we’re able to internalize that, and we let go of digging our claws into what we’re supposed to have or what it’s supposed to look like when we’re able to recognize that giving ourselves that space,
that allowance, that grace, that breathing room to let life unfold organically. That’s when the real magic happens. So I want to dive into this a little bit more of giving yourself the grace to grow, to really understanding how you can navigate uncertainty a little bit more. And I’m gonna share a little bit more of my personal experiences with that. But before we do that,
let’s just take a quick mid episode break. And then we write back, you’re filling your calendar, but are you filling your soul? That’s the question that led me to write my latest book on purpose, the busy woman’s guide to an extraordinary life of meaning and success. And here’s the truth. Far too many people are chasing busy, living a life.
They never really intended letting their dreams fall. Aside in the pursuit of adulting, they look around and they wonder how in the world did I get here? What if I told you that having an extraordinary life is a choice that the incredible life you wish for really is within your own power on purpose is a life-changing guy to debunk the lies that hold you back from the dreams you’ve always had,
but you’ve never explored in the book. You’re going to learn how to create a map to your ideal future actionable strategies to move forward with competence, simple shifts, to turn unexpected obstacles into opportunities and daily steps. You can take towards a more fulfilling life living on purpose. Isn’t about changing who you are. It’s rising up and becoming the best version of you.
It’s adjusting your mindset so you can discover your daily choices and you can find the unhurried purpose that’s hidden in each one of your days. When you stay true to your soul’s path, I’m telling you my friends, it is time to choose to be extraordinary. You can grab your copy of on-purpose. The busy woman’s guide to an extraordinary life of meaning and success@Tanyadalton.com
slash on-purpose. I can promise you if you’re enjoying anything that we talk about in this podcast. If you have found anything, even a tiny tidbit of what we talk about here, you need to go get the book because the book allows you to die. Even deeper into all the concepts, all the ideas that we explore right here. So go to Tanya dalton.com/on
purpose. Okay, let’s get into this idea of how we can navigate uncertainty, how we can deal with uncertainty, whether it’s a crisis or a shifting in your life or something smaller, right? We want to have the tools to be able to do all of that. So the first thing I would tell you is don’t resist. Allow it, allow it to happen.
You know, it’s kind of like being in quicksand, the more you fight it, the more you’re going to sink underneath the surface. So when you’re in a crisis mode, the worst thing we can do is to panic and feel like, okay, I’m off track now. I don’t know what to do. We end up either throwing the plans totally out the window and walking away from the whole thing,
right. Or we end up fighting it, which is exhausting. Sometimes we just need to step back, take a deep breath and allow, okay, what’s happening here? What’s going on. Let’s let’s see what it is we need to do. Right? So don’t resist. Don’t feel like you have to fight that story that you tell yourself that tells you that you have to fight to earn anything and everything in life is a true,
take a step back, find the calm and then move forward from that place, a serenity from that place where you ha where you feel more centered. That’s what I would tell you to start with. And then what we have to do is we have to remember what you can control and what you cannot control, how you have to, you have to be honest with yourself,
but there are things in this world that you cannot control for me. You know, I’m writing a book with a major publishing house. Harper Collins is my publisher, and there are ways that they work that are different from how I do things or how I initially wanted to do things. And so there were things, parts of the book where, you know,
I don’t have the control. I don’t have control over some of the timelines. I don’t have control over some of those aspects of things, but I can control what I wrote. I could control what I stood up for for myself. What I believed in what really felt important to me that was core to the message of the book. And there were times where I had to say,
no, I am definitely including this part in the book, because this is important. And I know, I know my readers. I know that she is going to love this part of the book, or she’s going to resonate with this part of the book, or this is going to be the bulb moment. So there were times I had to stand my ground and there were times where I had to release.
And I had to say, okay, I don’t have control over this. Really stepping back, recognizing that there are things you can’t control. And there are things that you can sometimes it helps even to make a list of what it is in your world and your situation at that moment that you can control and what you can’t. That can be really powerful.
The third thing I would remind you of is invest in yourself, make sure you’re double Downing on you. And back that’s one of the quotes in the book you are going to have to stand up for yourself. It kind of ties in with that whole idea. We just talked about with what you can control and what you can’t, that there are going to be times where in the world,
in the space where you can control how you react, how your emotions process, how you think, how you feel, you can control those things. So doubling down on those, investing in you, sometimes that means standing up for yourself. Like I just said, like standing up for certain sections of the book that I felt really strongly about. Sometimes it means giving yourself that space and that grace investing in you makes all the difference when you’re in a crisis situation.
The one thing that you could absolutely without question count on is you, so treat yourself with respect. Don’t beat yourself up and get into that loop of, you know, name calling and saying things to yourself that are, we all know how ugly that can get, right? Choose to look at yourself as a beautiful part of that process and invest in you.
And then the fourth thing I would say is start looking for threads in the chaos. You know, there are going to be these little themes or these little things that keep coming up again. And again, when you’re in a crisis mode, for me, it really was this idea when I stepped back, right? So there was that whole idea of giving myself that calm when I stepped back and I really paid attention to how the book was unfolding.
I began to see this theme of choice, the whole idea of doing each chapter as a choice. Wasn’t something I started off with when I first proposed the book. That was something that unfolded as I was working through. I was realizing, oh my gosh, every single one of these things is a choice. And even if I think about it and I go even deeper here,
birthing this book really allowed me to see the power of choice in so many different areas of my life shifts in my business that, you know, have been happening because of the pandemic and all these other things happening, Jack going away off to college and all those things, I could start internalizing what those lessons were because I took the time to see the threads,
to see the themes that were appearing over and over and over again. And I, again, I believed in myself, I invested in me. I knew I could count on me because truly when we believe in ourselves enough to know that we can navigate our uncertainty, when we take the time to really consider that these lessons are there for us to uncover and to really learn from that’s when we’re able to tap into ourselves as authentically as possible.
That’s when we’re able to truly aligned to who we are when we surrender to this idea that life isn’t, and shouldn’t be about controlling every aspect of our environment and our lives right down to the most skilled detail. When we let life unfold, naturally paying close attention to how we’re feeling and how we’re thinking and really digging into what makes us happy. What inspires us,
what brings us joy. That is what I want you to take away from the season. That is, as we’re closing out all of these episodes together, talking about designing a life on your own terms. I want you to remember, it’s all about you being authentically, wholly a hundred percent who you are. And sometimes that happens when we let go of the reins just a little bit.
When we recognize that our most authentic selves are given more of an opportunity to shine when we’re not approaching our lives with such rigidity where every single thing has to go to according to a plan all of the time, because when we are in times of uncertainty and we step back and we allow life to unfold, that’s when we make room for the windows and the doors do open wide for all of the beautiful life-changing light to shine in.
And that is when we’re able to put ourselves on the path towards things that really matter to us and really make our heart seeing in the best sense of the word. And that is when we know we’ve got the intentional advantage. Thanks so much for joining me today. Quick question though, before you go, do you like prizes? When you leave a rating and review of the Intentional advantage podcast,
you’ll be entered to win my life changing course, multiplying your time. Simply leave the review and then send me an email@helloatTanyadalton.com with a screenshot. I choose one winner at the end of every month. So go ahead and do it right now. Just a quick comment with what you loved about this episode or the show in general and a rating and send it our way.
Not going to lie by stars is my favorite, but I’d love to hear what you think of the show. And if that’s not enough of an incentive for you to win the multiplying your time course, I have to tell you the reviews are the number one thing that supports this podcast. And me, it’s the best way to spread the word and get business tips and strategies to all those other women out there who need it.
So there you go. Two great reasons for you to go and leave a review right now. So go ahead and do it, send that screenshot my way, because I want to give you a free course. And thanks again for listening today. I’ll be back next Tuesday and I’ll plan to see you then.
The Intentional Advantage is one of the best productivity podcast with a female host. This podcast transcript was made using AI.
Tanya Dalton is a woman keynote speaker with a different perspective on productivity. As a woman, she can empower and support women in their pursuit to be more productive through time management strategies, goal setting trainings, and tips on finding balance.