148: Waiting to Start Our Dreams | Tanya Dalton
November 12, 2019   |   Episode #:

148: Waiting to Start Our Dreams

In This Episode:

When we have a big dream, it can be a challenge to have to wait before having the chance to pursue it actively. But sometimes, it’s necessary. Maybe the timing isn’t right; maybe you aren’t financially ready. Whatever the reason, there’s a silver lining to waiting. That’s what I discussed with today’s guest, Tyanna. Tyanna is a wife to a retired army infantry soldier who is currently going back to school, and she is working to support him in his big dream while raising their two-year-old daughter. She also has a dream of her own that she has put on hold for the time being. Tyanna wants to take the leap into entrepreneurship. We discuss how to choose a timeframe for when you’ll be ready to leap and how to find hidden pockets in your day to work on tasks that will help you reach your bigger goal. I also dive into the concept of reframing it from waiting time into preparation time and using that time to start building the foundation for success.

Show Transcript:

The Big Idea

Waiting doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

Questions I Answer

  • What should I do if I have to wait to start my big goal?
  • What if I can’t start my goal right now?
  • Why should I wait to start?

Actions to Take

  • Have you been waiting to start something? Use this time as an opportunity to build the foundation for even greater success. Take the time to map out those hidden pockets of time each week that you can use to start working toward your big goal.
  • Take part in our virtual book club for my book, The Joy of Missing Out. If you haven’t already picked up your copy, head to joyofmissingout.com or your favorite retailer.
  • Watch my Tanya TV episode, How to Get An Extra Hour From Your Day. Feel free to comment and chat with me over there on my YouTube Channel!

Key Topics in the Show

  • Recognizing that you play several roles well: a mom and a successful business owner

  • Reframing how you look at the goals that you’re pursuing

  • Choosing a timeframe for when you want to take the leap

  • Looking for hidden pockets of time to focus on tasks that help you reach your bigger goal

  • Deciding what your “time-wasters” are and cutting them out

Show Transcript

Welcome to productivity paradox with Tanya Dalton, a podcast focused on finding 

true happiness through productivity. Season 12 is different from any she’s done before with real conversations with real women, applying strategies and concepts 

explored in The Joy of Missing Out. 

This season, you’ll learn how to live more by doing less. And now here’s your host, 

Tanya Dalton. 

Tanya: 

Hello. Hello everyone. Welcome to Productivity Paradox. I’m your host, Tanya Dalton, and this is episode 148. Now if you’re listening to this the day this episode goes live, I want to remind you we are on week three of our four-week book club. And I would absolutely love for you to join me for our live conversation diving into The Joy of Missing Out. Now, if you haven’t joined me for week one and week two, that’s okay. You can join 

in on week three. I would absolutely love to have you there. 

Simply go to joyofmissingout.com/bookclub for all the information to make sure you don’t miss out. Because you know what? We want some 

joy in missing out. We don’t want to feel like we’ve missed out on anything good. And I can promise you these conversations we’re having as part of this book club have been amazing, and I cannot wait for you to join in with us, and it’s absolutely okay if you can’t make it live. I will be sure to have the replays there. So even if you’re listening to this episode weeks after this has happened, go ahead and go to the link because we will make sure to have that video there for you, so you can feel like you joined in as well. 

All right, let’s get into today’s episode because I’m really excited about this, because we hear so much about making the leap, doing big things, but what if it’s not the right time? What if we need to wait a bit before we get started? That’s what I want to talk about in today’s episode. That satisfaction gap that can happen when we have a life we’re dreaming about, but maybe we need to put pursuing it on hold just for a little bit. That’s what I’m talking about with Tyanna today. Now, as you may remember, this season on The Joy of Missing Out is different from anything we’ve done in the past. 

I’m having conversations with women and diving into some of the struggles and the stumbling blocks they’re experiencing. You’ll hear us chat and then we’ll dive even more into the topic in the second half of the show. And so far, I’m hearing from so many of you that you’re loving this concept, and to be honest with you, I am too. I think live Q&As are 

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my favorite part when I do live events, I can almost always try to make 

sure that I have time when I’m speaking, because I love to have these conversations, because I truly believe it’s often in other people’s stories that we can see ourselves. And that’s what I want you to think about when you’re listening to my conversation with Tyanna today, because I think a lot of what we talk about really does apply to many different circumstances. 

Tyanna is a wife to a retired army infantry soldier, who is currently going back to school, so her husband’s going back to school and she is working to support him in his big dream, while also raising her two-year old daughter. And she really wants to be a good role model for her daughter to show her what a woman can accomplish, to provide and to protect for her. Tyanna’s family is a big priority for her, and with a young daughter and a husband in school, she’s needing to put some of her own goals on the back burner just for a little bit. 

You may be in a similar kind of situation, maybe you have a goal, but you can’t quite go after it right now because of a financial situation. You need to save up and go to a full-time job for a while. Or maybe you need to wait because of your health or something else. It can be really, really hard to wait, to put our dreams on hold, because once those goals catch hold of us, we want to just go for it, right? So, I want you to listen in as 

Tyanna and I discuss this issue together. Thank you so much for coming on the show, Tyanna. 

Tyanna: 

Thank you for having me. So, the question that I submitted, and I can give a little bit of feedback after I read it, but my ideal life is likely two to five years down the line, and in order to get to that ideal goal, I’m always taking baby steps. So, I’m trying to embrace my current employment rather than going straight for entrepreneurship. So, with that I’m kind of stuck in this time management warp of starting a business, continuing employment and being a mom. And all of those things just results in a huge satisfaction gap I guess. So, I’m actively working on all of these 

things, and I guess my question to you is what do you recommend that i do to help manage my time better and find the satisfaction in the day to-day, so that I truly am happy with what I’m doing? 

Tanya: 

Yeah, that makes sense. Because it’s really hard too, when you have a goal that you want to go after, but you can’t go after it right now. So, it feels like, gosh, it’s just out of reach. It’s a little bit frustrating because you’re ready to start now, but this is not the right time in life for you, because I know that you have, you have a two year old at home and so you’re wanting to stick with where you are right now, knowing that 

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eventually, two to five years down the road you’re going to pursue entrepreneurship, right? 

Tyanna: 

Right. 

Tanya: 

Yeah. So that can be a little bit of a challenge because I think there’s a lot, especially of the mom guilt that we feel or that we experience, especially when we have small kids at home. I feel like the day our babies are born, they hand us over that beautiful bundle along with a nice little package of mom guilt. 

And by nice little package. I mean a big, heaping packed. It’s falling out of the wrapping, it’s so heavy. So right now, at the time of your life you’re in the trenches, and it can feel really hard to do anything by yourself or for yourself. I mean, even going the bathroom alone can feel like a challenge. Here’s what I want you to remember. That being a mom doesn’t mean we can’t be something else. We have to remember that we have that conjunction and, we can be a mom and a successful business owner. And when we do that, we’re actually role modeling for our children. For our girls, we show them what women are capable of and for our boys, we show them that what women are capable of. And so, when we reframe how we look at these goals and we see that pursuing our goals is a benefit to our children, that we are better women, because we take care of ourselves, I think that really does help make a difference. 

But that doesn’t answer your question of how do I find more time? Because I feel like you’ve embraced this idea that eventually you want to have entrepreneurship, it’s just maybe not right now, this transition phase. Right? 

Tyanna; 

Right. 

Tanya: 

Well, here’s what I would tell you. This honestly is a great place to be. I know it doesn’t feel that way right now, but it really is because it’s almost like you have this nice long on-ramp, to onboard you to get you to that jumping off point. Because here’s the thing that a lot of people think. They think, I want to become an entrepreneur, I have to quit my job right away and I have to take this giant leap off of a cliff. What you have right now though is you have this long lead time, leading up to it. 

We can look at that. We can choose to look at that as, “This really sucks that I have a long time.” Or we can say, “This is truly amazing that I have this time that I can really take my time to nurture this idea and look ahead and make a plan.” So that when it’s time for you to make that leap, it’s not a running leap, it really is a more calculated step more than 

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anything else. So, I think maybe if we start a little bit by reframing it, this transition phase as being a real benefit to you, it’s a good place to start. 

Tyanna: 

Yeah. Switching the mindset, I like it. Yeah. 

Tanya: 

Mm-hmm (affirmative), definitely. And I think this is truly why that idea of balance doesn’t work. Because right now, you in your life, y leaning into a priority, your daughter, and because of this phase of life you’re in, this is where you want to lean. But then later on you’re going to lean a bit more maybe into entrepreneurship. And that doesn’t mean that you’re not going to take care of your daughter. It doesn’t mean that you’re not going to take care of entrepreneurship right now. It just means your focus is in these different areas. So right now, your focus is 

on your daughter. Later on, as you grow your business, maybe when she’s in school a bit more, and you have a little more freedom of time, you’ll be able to lean in that as well. So that’s the harmony we’re really looking for. So, keeping that harmony in mind, just because you’re leaning in this priority of focusing on your daughter doesn’t mean you can’t do some of the small steps to get you started. What I would ask you is this, how much time do you think you can give your goal? 

So, thinking about this idea of how many years until you want to start your entrepreneurship? You said two to five. Let’s choose how many years, how many years do you think that you want to take before you really take that leap? 

Tyanna: 

Honestly, I want to start yesterday, but [crosstalk 00:09:04] will take the two-year marker. Probably two-year marker. 

Tanya: 

Two-year marker. Okay. So right now, what I want you to think about is how much time with that idea that’s happening two years from now, how much time can you give it for this next 90 days? So, I don’t want you to think about how much time can I give it for a year. I want you to focus just on these next 90 days, because really that’s how I like to break down my goals. I call them quarterly crusades. So, every quarter i sit down and I figured out what’s my focus for this next 90 days or the next basically three months? For the next 90 days how much time each week do you think you can feasibly give this goal? 

Tyanna: 

Probably two to three hours a week. 

Tanya: 

So, two to three hours a week is a great place to start. And I want you to think about where are some times that you can do this? So I don’t know, does your daughter nap? Could you do it during nap time? Does she go to mother’s day out or anything like that where you could get a couple 

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of larger pockets, where maybe you could get two hours back to back? Is that a possibility? 

Tyanna: 

Recently there have been changes. So, my parents are taking her for childcare. 

Tanya: 

Oh, nice. 

Tyanna: 

So, I’m getting a quiet house every once in a while, which is very new

Tanya: 

That is new. That’s nice. 

Tyanna: 

I think I can definitely do that. 

Tanya: 

So, here’s one of the things I would encourage you to do. I would encourage you to start looking for these little hidden pockets, and I’m telling you this because I started my very first business when my kids were not much bigger than your daughter. They were literally playing at my feet. 

And sol set up, in my kitchen, I set up a little tiny desk and when I tell you tiny, I’m talking tiny. I mean it was one foot deep and two feet wide and that was it. That was my workspace. And so, it was in the kitchen because that was a central area. I could still see when they are in the play room area. When I was cooking dinner, I could sit down and do a few things. So, I would try to find these little hidden pockets of time, and I would gather those pockets of time together to make larger pockets. One of the things you could start looking for are what are the time wasters in your day? And I know right now you might be thinking, “| don’t have any time wasters cause I’m pretty busy.” 

But what I would encourage you to do is maybe track your time and see what pockets you can bank up. And the way you need to do that is really ask yourself when you’re doing different activities, “How do I feel after I finish this?” So, let’s say that you binge watched a couple of TV shows. When you’ve finished binge-watching, let’s say an hour of TV at night, a couple of episodes of Friends back to back, do you feel good and satisfied? Is that a good use of your time? Or do you feel like, “Gosh, I just wasted that time?” Because if you feel like, “Gosh, that was not a really good use of my time, I feel worse about myself than I did an hour ago.” I would say let’s choose to cut out the Friends and use that time to work on your goal. Now if you’re finishing up those episodes of Friends and you’re like, “That was what I needed. I needed that space to just mindlessly watch something funny.” That’s a very different question. 

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That’s why it’s not an easy blanket statement of what’s a time waster and what’s not. What can we bank up and what we can’t. So, do you think you could start looking for different things that you’re doing in your day that don’t feel as satisfying to you, that maybe you could choose to cut out? 

Tyanna: 

Absolutely 

Tanya: 

Yeah. You know what, to be honest with you, I think we could all find time wasters. 

Tyanna: 

Definitely. 

Tanya: 

We all have little things that we do, or we find ourselves doing, whether that’s scrolling on your phone or watching a TV show or just mindlessly doing something. These little habits that we’ve built into our lives we don’t think about, but really, like I said, it’s not a blanket statement of these things are time-wasters. Watching three episodes of Friends isn’t necessarily a time waster if for you with a toddler at home, that is time for you to feel like, “Okay, I caught my breath for an hour, and I feel a little bit better.” 

Tyanna: 

Right. 

Tanya: 

Does that make sense? 

Tyanna: 

Right. Yeah. 

Tanya 

So, what would encourage you to do is, I would encourage you, if you have two to three hours in your week that you think you already have, I would first of all block that into your calendar right away. When you’re sitting down, when are those blocks going to happen? And could you possibly make it so you have an hour and a half, and an hour and a half to get that three hour block? Instead of it being 10 minutes, 10 minutes, 10 minutes, 10 minutes. Is that a possibility? So, I would encourage you to do that. 

I would also encourage you to really sit down and map out, “Okay, here’s where I am today. Two years from now is when I want to start my business.” 

So you could start backing up and looking at things like, all right, what do I need to do to register my business? What kinds of supplies will i need for my business? If you’re doing especially a product-based business, that’s amazing because that gives you a lot of time to ramp up, 

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and figure out what are the supplies you need, what are the manufacturers you want to work with and all of that. And then you can 

really focus each of these quarters on one aspect of ramping yourself up to get to that point where you’re really ready to take that leap. Does that make sense? 

Tyanna: 

Yeah. 

Tanya: 

Do you think that’s possible? Because I think when we got on this call at the beginning, it was kind of this idea like, “Ugh, there’s no time.” Because that’s how we all feel, that we just don’t have enough time. But really if we prioritize this goal, and we make it so that is really a part of your focus, when you’re blocking out your days and when you’re thinking about how you’re spending your time, do you think that you’ll be able to go through that and filter out and find some things that will allow you to find those pockets? 

Tyanna: 

I think it takes that priority. Making it a priority. For me, it’s very difficult in the consulting world, blocking out my day from my employer, especially in normal business hours. But I think it’s something that I have to do. So, it’s about making that choice and hoping I don’t get scrutinized for it. 

Tanya 

Yes, I would agree it is really about making that choice. And I would say if it’s not something that can happen between the hours of nine to five or whatever your working hours are, I want you to really think outside of that box of, “Okay, what are my after hours? What do my after hours look like?” Could you get up 30 minutes earlier and just do 30 minutes of work a couple of times a week? Could you get an evening where you go over to Starbucks for 45 minutes while your husband watches your daughter? And that allows you to have some time. 

So definitely think outside of the constraints of work for your entrepreneurship has to happen during work hours either, because there’s a lot of hours outside of work that we really have ownership over. A lot more ownership over than we do that nine to five a lot of times. 

Tyanna: 

Okay. Sounds good. 

Tanya: 

Does that help? 

Tyanna: 

Absolutely, it does. 

Tanya: 

All right. Thanks so much. Thank you. Before we dive further into this, let’s have a quick word to today’s sponsor 

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Today’s episode has been brought to you by the University of California, Irvine or UCI. Their division of continuing education can be a great resource for anyone who’s looking to gain credits towards a Master’s degree or for people wanting to learn some new skills to help you grow a business you’ve been thinking about starting. Now, for those of you who are trying to juggle work and family, while also maybe pursuing some career advancement or career change, UCI is 100% online courses, so it’s convenient and it’s flexible. And they have a very diverse assortment of courses that are taught by industry practitioners with real world experience. No matter what you’re looking for, UCI has tons of specialized studies. From healthcare to paralegal, to digital marketing, to human resources, project management. 

So many different options. Registration is now open and they have a great deal for Productivity Paradox listeners. Simply go to ce.uci.edu/productivityparadox. Enter the promo code paradox to get 15% off of one continuing education course. That web address again is ce.uci.edu/productivityparadox. Don’t forget to use that code paradox to get 15% off of one of their courses. This offer is valid until December 31st, 2019. 

Okay, so let’s talk about that conversation with Tyanna. As you heard she has a long on-ramp to making that leap into entrepreneurship, and that long on-ramp can seem really long. Especially when we’re excited to get started. I of all people totally understand this. When I made the decision to close my first business, it wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t something I could do just overnight. That company I created paid our bills, it fed my kids. And because John and I worked together, it was our sole income. 

We needed to map it out and make it work for us. I couldn’t just shut it down and go after my big dream. I mean, my kids, they like to eat. I mean, this is the thing. Its real-life comes into play here, that we can’t 

always just go after what we want to go after and get that immediate gratification. For me, I knew that we needed to make a plan to save money, because we knew we were going to have to go several months without any income. We had to tighten up our belts. We had to gather up all of our pennies to make this happen, and that, that takes planning. So, it really is all about mindset. As I mentioned, we can complain and be frustrated with having to wait, or we can look at this as a big opportunity because having time to plan it out is definitely a big bonus. 

That’s the first step. Let’s turn this disadvantage into an advantage. Having the right mindset will make all the difference. So, step one, how long do we need to wait? Is it a year or two years? Maybe five. It’s okay, 

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because we’re going to use this waiting time and we’re going to turn it in 

from waiting time into preparation time. That way when the day finally does come, we’re going to be ready and we’ll be able to get to our goal even easier and faster. So, let’s figure out this time. You see, we think we’re waiting to start our dream, but there’s a lot of groundwork that can happen to get you to that point, so really, you’re not waiting at all. In tact, you’re starting right now. Creating a solid foundation for that dream is just as important as the dream itself. Starting by mapping it out just like we do for our goals that we set, knowing that this is just a longer term goal, and that we won’t see the fruits of our work for some time. But everything that we’re doing now is cultivating so we can bear that fruit. 

This is true if it’s waiting for a dream to start or dealing with a setback. It’s an opportunity to lay down that foundation. And if you’re familiar with me in a way that I talk about goal setting, you know that I talk 

about it in terms of reflection, projection and action. That action part, that’s making the roadmap for ourselves. And with this time we‘ve got, we have the benefit of a nice stretch of road ahead of us. So, let’s take this goal and let’s just break it down. Let’s make it into manageable pieces to tackle over the course of this waiting period you’ve got. 

So with Tyanna, it’s starting a business in two years. So, we’ll start by mapping out what all you need to do to try to get it figured out, so that 

once those two years are up, you’re already building up momentum. 

So with Tyanna, she has things like she needs to register her business, which isn’t hard, but it has to be done. And if you’ve never done it before, it can take a little bit of research and it seems more difficult than it really is. There’s figuring out what problems are you going to solve? You see, every business exists to a problem. So, what’s the problem you’re going to fix? And then how will you do that? Is it by having services, or is it having products, which might mean figuring out pricing structures and offerings, possibly manufacturing and vendors. See there’s a lot that can be done while you’re waiting. We’re not waiting at all, we’re just laying a foundation. Choose an area to focus in for each quarter of the year. This is what I talk about in the book when I talk about those quarterly crusades where we’re really leaning into an area and focusing on it. 

So, choose an area focus and then tackle it, and then move onto the next one, bit by bit, tiny step by tiny step. So, then the challenge becomes, “Okay, all right, I know what I need to do, but when am I going to do it? How do I make this happen?” And we touched on this idea of these hidden pockets in our conversation, but we all have them. These 

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are the spare minutes. Even when we think we don’t have them. I think [Calee Lee 00:21:50] is one of my favorite examples of this, and I shared her story in another episode way, way, way back. I think it might’ve been all the way back in season two. So, it’s been quite a while. So, let me remind you a little bit of Calee’s story. Calee Lee started Xist Publishing in 2011 when she found herself with two unplanned hours in her day until their kids came home. 

Now she could have used this time to do laundry and that’s what she considered doing, but instead she decided she was going to do something she considered more important, writing a children’s story, something she had been wanting to do for years. So, something that she always wanted to do, but she never written it because, well, she kept telling herself, “I don’t have the time,” But now she chose to prioritize her writing. And after a few months she had her book written, and she published her book on Amazon with their publishing platform. And she began to realize, “Wow, If I’ve got to go through all the hassle of developing contracts and making an eBook and marketing it, I might as well do this for other people as well.” And within a few years, she was able to pay herself a six-figure salary. Today her company is the largest digital children’s publishing startup, with hundreds of titles from all different authors and illustrators. 

All of this from a little pocket of time that she could have filled with laundry. Laundry versus this six-figure income. You see, we do have the time. We just need to prioritize. You’ve heard me say that before, haven’t you? I know you have, because I say it all the time. It’s not that you don’t have the time, it’s just that you need to prioritize it. I’ve even got a video to drive this point home a bit more on my Tanya TV channel called How to Get An Extra Hour From Your Day. You can watch it at Tanyadalton.com/youtube and I’ll be sure to put a link to that in the show notes for today’s episode. But I can promise you, if I was able to write The Joy of Missing Out while still running my company, while still producing this podcast every week, and these episodes of Tanya TV, 1 was able to write a book and you can do it too. 

Whatever it is you’re wanting to do, those little hidden pockets of time, they’re there. We just have to choose to find them. Here’s what I want you to walk away from today’s show knowing. Waiting to start isn’t failing, in fact, it’s an opportunity to build an even greater success. And yes, there’s a bit of a satisfaction gap with not being able to start on goals right away. But the traction and the momentum you can build will close that gap up so very quickly. So, don’t be discouraged if you have to wait. Don’t feel let down if you can’t start your goals or your dreams right now, because right now, not a waiting period. Right now is your 

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foundation building period. Use this time to your advantage and I can promise you it’s going to make a huge difference. It really will. 

Each of these episodes is designed to piggyback off each other. I don’t know if you’ve realized this, but I’m really, really intentional with the order that I build these shows in. Because next week we’re going to talk about not the hidden pockets of time, but how do we go about with some guilt-free delegation? That’s a great way to uncover some hidden pockets. So, we’re going to be chatting with another listener about how 

she can delegate, and do it guilt-free. That’s the key here. Yes. I said guilt-free because it is possible. All right. I can’t wait for next week’s episode and I hope you’ll join me then. In the meantime, don’t forget to join me for that book club. I would love to see you there, joyofmissingout.com/bookclub, and if you’re not listening to this live on the day it drops, go ahead and go to that link anyways, because I can promise you, I will have those replays available for you to watch. All right, until next time, have a beautiful and productive week. 

 

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