238: Creating Your Own Rules for Your Home with Allie Casazza

Extraordinary is a choice. Take that in, soak it up because of the hustle grind, repeat mantra that society has been touting for decades. It added all wrong. I’m Tanya Dalton. I’m a seven figure entrepreneur best-selling author speaker, mom, and rule-breaker I’m here to help you live to your fullest potential. That’s what this podcast is all about. The Intentional advantage is doing life on our own terms,

define the status quo and seeing ourselves outside of the tie-dye definitions. Society’s name for us. It’s intentionally choosing to step back away from the chaotic rush of your every day and choosing, choosing to see that it’s your world. And it’s filled with opportunities. Let’s challenge the bedrock beliefs that so many have wholeheartedly trusted because we were told they were truths. Let’s have a healthy disregard for the impossible.

Let’s choose to be extraordinary.<inaudible> Hello and welcome to the Intentional advantage podcast. I’m your host, Tanya Dalton, man. This season’s been a good one. I really absolutely have been enjoying these conversations we’re having. And I’m having a lot of conversations with many of you online through DMS and emails that you’re sending my way about how this is really shifting your perspective on,

on what life can look like. And that makes me incredibly happy. It really does, because I think when we start to understand that that life is defined by how we want it to work, we step fully into our power. And when we step fully into our power, we feel more secure. We feel more confident are our shoulders pull back. Our chin raises up a little bit and we step forward in the direction we want.

That is what I’m seeing. And I’m hearing from a lot of you. And that is an incredible change that excites me to know. And absolutely. So I thought that today it would be good to have a conversation about what life looks like at home in your home life. You know, we, we talked back in the first episode of the season that it’s not just about who you are at work or in your career,

as you’re climbing that ladder. It’s really about who you are as a whole, the holistic you, all those different pieces and parts of you taking care of that. And I think it’s really important to understand that we can create our own rules for our home, not just who we present ourselves to as in the world, but how we show up for ourselves in our homes.

And I think we sometimes lose sight of how important that is. Our homes are, are our secret getaway from everybody else where we can absolutely let our hair down and be a hundred percent who we want to be. And I think sometimes we, we think that we don’t have that control because we have kids or we’ve got a roommate or the clutter is just overwhelming or,

or a thousand different things. And that’s why I really wanted to bring my friend Allie Kasasa on the show today. Allie is on a mission to eradicate the hot mess, mom stereotype. I think that’s such a, it’s that whole messy bun kind of which there’s nothing wrong with a messy bun, but it’s this whole idea that not showering or putting on makeup or not taking care of yourself is somehow this badge of honor.

And that it showcases you as this like great mom, when a great mom is someone who also takes care of themselves. You’ve heard me say before that we have to take care of ourselves so that we can take care of others and we can do it better when we feel good about ourselves. And a lot of that happens at home with how we feel about the place we wake up.

And we spend a huge chunk of our time in our bedrooms, our kitchens, our living rooms, and that’s what Allie Kasasa does. She helps really break down that stereotype. I empowering women, Allie has built an she’s built a massive audience. She has a multi-million dollar online business based on her proven family oriented approach to minimalism. I love that family oriented approach because I think minimalism is one of those things we can look at.

It feels really, really tight, really, really constraining. And she has this amazing, beautiful approach that we’re going to talk about in our conversation. Allie is also the host of the purpose show, which is a fabulous podcast. She’s also the creator of multiple online programs and she has a platforms that grow every day as more women discover her life-changing approach to creating an abundant life.

I think he could probably see why Allie and I are such good friends. In fact, Allie and I have known each other and we’ve been good friends meeting on zoom calls regularly, you know, Vox ring one another for probably a little over two years. And we just recently met in person for the first time, which was so much fun because she moved from her home state of Southern California to Greenville,

South Carolina, which is just down the road from me. She lives in Greenville with her husband, Brian, where they homeschool their four young children while she runs her business. I think you’re going to absolutely love Allie and her very approachable approach to how you can make your home feel more like a Haven. All right, let’s dive into today’s conversation. I am so excited to have you on the show today.

We’re going to have so much fun because you and I, well, first of all, we could chat for forever about, just about anything and everything. But I really want to focus in on your new book, declutter like a mother. And I want to start with the elephant in the room because right now my listeners are asking themselves, they’re wondering,

is this another show? Is this another book about minimalism? So would you consider yourself a minimalist? I love that you started with this and I can tell it with pop, like all the time by your first question, you’ve heard me rant about this and get so annoyed. So no, I actually do not, I guess, resonate with that label,

especially the last, like I’ve been doing what I do online for almost 11 years and the last five or four or five years minimalism has like taken over the world. It’s I think it’s really great. I think that people need to get rid of their crap. I think less is more truly, however, when something gets very trendy, it tends to kind of become its own entity and take on all of these like ideas and stereotypes and expectations from the masses.

And it often loses its shape. And this happens with like belief systems and religions and movements like feminism. Like you can see this in anything and minimalism has done the same thing and it’s just become this thing where it’s like these all white, like cement walls and a few succulents and kind of like Kim Kardashians bathroom, like, have you seen her? It’s like,

oh my God, like put some art on the wall before. I, I don’t know. Like I can’t have, I feel like I shouldn’t be here. It’s like a sterile feeling. And it’s like, yes, it’s perfect. And another thing that’s happened is a lot, not all for sure, but a lot of the teachers that have really come up in the last several years have been a lot of them are bachelors.

Of course you’re a mentalist. You don’t need anything. How Hard is it to keep a clean house, right? Yeah. Yeah. For sure. And You need a comb and a toothbrush and you’re good. Right? Like it just, I guess it just like, it kind of feels like once again, mothers are excluded once again, there’s this promise of clean and lighter and better and freer and less is more except for moms because motherhood is a shit show.

It always is always has been, always, will be. And who are you to want something good for yourself? Who are you to expect any ease in your life? Who are you to expect anything to go well, because society has labeled motherhood as this thing. That’s constant servitude, constant output, very little input. And that’s the way you’re supposed to get by.

If, if anything else you are selfish, but also Carpay all the DMS because it goes so like, it’s this mixed messaging that’s kind of abusive. Like it’s not healthy. So I just, I guess I just got sick of that messaging and what really pissed me off is mothers need minimalism. They need simplicity more than anyone else. So now it’s like another thing that isn’t for us.

No. So I like to take that back, but I also like to remove the label minimalist because I think it turns a lot of people off understandably myself included. Yeah. It’s this whole idea of playing by the rules that you have to do all these things a certain way. Right? And there’s this whole, and you talk about this in the book.

There’s the stealing of joy by having to live by these really hard and fast rules. In fact, you talk about some of the signs that we’re losing our time, losing our happiness by playing by these rules. Can you touch on some of those? Because I think it’s really important because we feel like we were supposed to, or we should be living a certain way in order to be doing it well or doing it right.

And those signs. So some of the ones that I think are the most common is first of all, if you find yourself asking what you’re supposed to be doing, or how many things you should have, like the word should is it’s gotta be watched out for probably in like life and everything, as it pertains to this. I think we start to think like,

like using my own audiences and example, oh, like what would Allie do? How many genes does Allie have? How many towels does Allie say I should have for a family of four? Like just things like that. Or it’s just silly. You’re your own person. You live in your own climate. You have your own habits and tendencies. You have your own amount of children.

You have your own family culture. You have your own lifestyle. Who am I to tell you how many things you should have? And that’s very counter minimalistic culture because the, all the other teachers tell you like, this is how many books you should have. This is how many dresses you should own. This is a capsule wardrobe. And what it looks like if it has over this amount,

it’s not a capsule wardrobe and you’ve done something wrong. Like it’s just ridiculous. And I think that they do it because people want to be told what to do. And they like having boundaries, but create your own. I want to inspire you to, I want to give you the guideposts. I want to give you the helpful pieces that are going to help you see,

like really understand what’s overwhelming you and why, and to find your own triggers and your own root causes and work through your own stuff and then create your own guidelines. So watching out for those sheds, and then also just noticing if you start to feel a little joyless, like if you start to feel like Ashley, I feel like I can’t even shop.

Like, I’m worried that it’s going to go back to the way it was after you decluttered. Right? That is not that’s legalistic. Like that’s not what we’re here to do. You know? It, it sucks. Like go shopping, enjoy yourself. Just be mindful. Are you filling a blade with that? Hit of purchasing something like shopping addiction.

It is absolutely real. It’s much like binge eating or alcoholism. Like you get a hit from checking out and swiping your card and coming home with something new or getting a package at the door. It’s very real. So watch out for that. But there are people who can have a couple of drinks with friends and be fine. So it’s not the thing itself.

That’s evil. It’s the source of the root of why you’re doing the thing and what you’re looking for that we want to look for. And then another silent there’s I think there’s seven in the book. But another one that comes to mind is when you start to get really resentful or angry at people in your life for giving you or your kids, things like you’re kind of controlling and you have this like tight grasp on your house and you’re guarding it like a Wolf.

And you’re just like, if you bring, I swear to God, if you bring a present to my kid’s party, I’m going to cut you out of my life. I will catch you. If you bring us back away with the gift we’re done here. Yeah. You got to loosen your grip. And my attitude with those things is always gratitude.

Even when people bring stuff, it’s like, literally my title, it’s literally my job and people still completely gifts that nobody asked for. It’s like totally clutter. Like, no, my kids respond in an age appropriate. Like they just wanted to bring something because they love us. And it’s okay. Like, you don’t have to keep it forever. It can pass through your space,

but like be love, be gratitude. And don’t be this tight controlling person. Cause that’s not what you want. That’s not why you did this in the first place. So we just, things like that. We want to kind of vibe check ourselves and make sure that we’re not, we’re not stealing our joy, that we sought out minimalism in the first place to get it back.

Right. And I know you talk about, you call it linen closet panic. How many sheets am I supposed to have? How many pillows? Like they, they feel like if they have too many Cowles or too many sheets or too many of whatever that they’ve broken the rules. And then, then there’s a lot of guilt that goes along with it that you’re not playing by this very specific set of rules.

And I feel like we have to talk about the guilt. We have to touch on this because, and this is something I really feel like my listeners need to hear if a tactic or a strategy that you’re using infuses guilt, stop doing it. That is not the point. That’s not why you started doing it in the first place. And I think what happens is there’s a lot of guilt over things like wasted money and you touch on this.

Like when we’re getting rid of things and you start feeling more guilty for giving things away and you feel all this guilt, how can we get rid of this guilt? Talk to us about that. Yeah. So there’s so many places that guilt can come through. I mean, it’s definitely people struggle with Gail. It’s a personality type thing, but even another layer that is that where moms were women and guilt is hard,

wired into us, through our upbringing, society adaptations, like the way that things work. And so it’s hard because you start to get to this place in you, you start to feel guilty. Like I, well, I was just trying to make my life better and trying to, I mean, what takes up your space takes up your time, right?

So you’re trying to get more time back. You’re trying to get your space back and make your house work with you instead of against you all the time, which is great. But then you start to do that. And that means getting rid of stuff, getting rid of stuff that you purchased, that you spent money on, but someone else spent money on for you that you don’t really like,

you know, whatever it is. And so you make up these stories, that’s all it is, is just a story about this item. That means something that you made it mean. So everything is neutral. It’s just Tanya. I know you and I have talked about this with money in business. Like it’s just neutral. And it only has the meaning that I assign to it.

So things are the same thing they’re neutral. And they were here to support us and serve a purpose. And if it’s over or it’s not doing it, it never did that. It’s time for it to move on and removing things from your space is not wasting money. Possibly you did waste money at one point, maybe you wasted money on the item when you bought something that you knew you wouldn’t use,

that you weren’t sure if it looked good on you, you weren’t sure how it made you feel. And you would just remind Leslie shopping, which we’ve all done. Then if that’s the case, you can remove the item, notice that you mindlessly shop, notice that you did waste saying, learn a lesson and being a human person. It’s okay. And move on outside of that,

it’s really not wasting. You’re learning lessons. You’re evolving. You didn’t come out of the womb. Like, okay, I’m going to be a minimalist. I’m going to make sure I always have my space and time and energy completely in check. And when I have kids, it’s going to be like this. Like you just figured it out. Maya Angelou says know better,

do better. Like you just learned better and you’re beginning to do better. So we have to stop assigning all this meaning and writing new stories that are keeping us stuck. It is actually a thousand percent more wasteful to keep something out of fear or guilt or obligation. But somebody else could use that. They’re like they would be changed if they saw that in Goodwill.

And that you’re not using like your being wasteful by hoarding these things that you’re not even using, that you don’t need that are taking up space. And you’re, if there was going to be any guilt, which there never should be. Let’s focus on the fact that this stuff is taking your energy from your family, from your business, like from what you’re here to do and let that good guilt motive move on.

Yes. Well, it’s funny because one of the things that I do, like when I’m cleaning my closet or clean sending it to my house and I donate something that isn’t maybe his new with attacks, let’s be honest. There were stuff that is new with the tags. That’s hanging in your closet right now that you’re like, oh totally, I should wear it.

I want to wear it. But I don’t. I don’t, it just doesn’t get worn and you need to donate it. I really love like picturing in my mind, this woman, after a long day, flipping through the racks at Goodwill. And what does she see brand new with the tags just made her day shirt from J crew or wherever you’ve just made someone’s day.

Right? There’s no guilt with that. That’s, that’s like life giving to other people. I think that’s a really important like way to kind of flip things over. And I love what you’re talking about here, because you talk about in the book, you say that our homes are overflowing with stuff and we’re drowning with no lifeline in sight. I think that is so true.

In fact, you talk about, there’s a direct link between the amount of possessions that we have, the mouth things, the stuff in our home and the stress level of the female homeowner, right? There’s this stress that comes from this stuff. Can you talk about, Yeah, for sure. So there’s been a lot of studies done on this topic,

especially in the last, like maybe two or three years, it’s increased because it’s so interesting, isn’t it? That we live in this consumeristic society and it’s kind of killing us like it’s. And so people are starting to figure that out. But one of my favorite ones that was done at UCLA and they talked about, they did this study in Los Angeles on six different families.

And they literally, as they were doing it, they did like the Q-tip swabs on the inner cheek of these people. And they literally found that however much stress, however much cortisol. So that’s the stress hormone. So literally more stuff, more stress, less stuff, less stress. And they talk about it. They turned it into a book actually,

and you can get on Amazon, but they, they tried to like, like shift it around and do it different ways. And it was just repeatedly more stuff, more stress. It was like directly related, nothing else changed. It was like the same week. Nothing else had changed same day. And it was like just the swab, more stuff,

more stress, less stuff, less stress. So knowing that actually is such a tool. And I think I like to tell like the moms that I serve, we want to like you, like, imagine you have a Fanny pack. Like you’re like super cool. And your Fanny pack Is cooler than a Fanny pack. So Right. You’re in your little metaphorical Fanny pack.

You keep tools that make you a better, more empowered mom. And you can put anything in there that you like and pull it out. Anytime you need to. And minimalism, simplicity, whatever you need to call it, however far you want to go with, it is just a tool that you can use to lower your cortisol and be more grounded.

And when you’re grounded, you’re like a higher version of yourself. You’re closer to the youth. That is really you. You’re not doing the things where you’re like snapping at the kids all the time and then feeling like, dang it. Like, why did I do that? And I got to go apologize. There’s just less tension. And if we have a tool in our Fanny pack that can do that for us,

like, don’t you want that? Don’t we want to use that all the time. Like lets support ourselves instead of shaming ourselves and expecting ourselves to do it all with a house full to the brim of clutter. That’s constantly working against us with a family that doesn’t help and we don’t expect them to help. And we’re taking everything on ourselves, like with a business that’s totally unhealthy and toxic and pulling from us all the time.

Like lets support ourselves with tools and rhythms and ideas and resources that make us better and lighten our load because it’s already heavy enough just as it is So true. Our load is already so heavy and we’re adding more to it. All of this stuff becomes connected to these emotions that we’re making about decisions we made, right? I was so bad. I was wrong.

We negative self-talk about what we’ve done or decisions we’ve not made. The truth that we’re avoiding is what you call it in the book. And I think it’s so important to recognize this and realize how much our stuff is costing us. And you give this amazing example in the book. I think I texted you after I read it because I’m like, this is so genius after I read it.

But you talk about what takes up space takes up your time and you give this example about a toaster. You know, you’re just innocent little piece of kitchen gear sitting on the counter. Everyone’s got a toaster. I mean, almost everyone I would imagine, but you say this sweet little innocent toaster of ours is taking up 9,256 seconds out of our year.

That’s over two and a half hours of just this desert. Explain, explain what you mean by that. Yeah. I, so I use that example all the time, but I’d never actually done the math. When I was writing the book, I was like, I was writing that section and I could like feel that it wasn’t like, I just wasn’t enough.

And I was like, I wonder like how many minutes this actually is. And so I did the math and then had to have it checked by someone who’s good at math. And I saw it, I saw it and I was just like, oh My God, the secondary steps. I haven’t checked for sure. I saw it. And it was like this example that I have used over and over again,

since I started teaching this stuff is even more powerful now because oh my God, that’s so much time. Do you know what I could do? Like do you know the focus I could give my business? Like the focus? I think of myself, the self-care practices I could do the time with my kids like anything. And that’s the thing. Tanya is like,

it’s just the toaster. So think about every photo album, every bookshelf they have to desk everything. You clean up every dish, every piece of laundry, every trophy, your kids over. And that you’ve kept for some reason in a box it’s got to move with. Every time you move everything that needs to be dusted. Everything needs to be picked up.

Everything needs to be maintained. Every single thing in your house, it just blows your mind because just the toaster alone is taking up that much time because it takes up space. So when we look at it like that, I really feel like it gives us this aerial perspective. Like you’re not bad at this. You’re not crazy. It’s not just you,

it’s just math, but it’s too much stuff. It’s too much time. And you’re already mothering and trying to be a decent human and trying to upkeep relationships and trying to run a business or work or whatever else. And it’s like, of course you’re overwhelmed. And so when we look at it as just like science, like, like an equate, a math equation,

it’s like, it removes the guilt and the emotion out of the whole thing. And it’s just like, oh, well it’s not my fault. Like, it just makes sense. But, but I have ownership over that math. Does that make sense? Yes. You have ownership over that. It’s a choice you’re making to have things that you have to dust.

You have to clean, you have to deal with on a daily basis. But you know, a lot of people just say, well, isn’t, isn’t just cleaning up all the time. Just part of being a mom. It’s part of that hot mess mom culture that you talk about, right. That why, why do we feel like that’s some sort of permission slip to just let everything fall to shit?

Because, well, this is, this is how it is. This is how it is being a mom. Doesn’t have to be that way at all at all. I know it’s not for you. I know it’s not for me. Yeah, for sure. It’s like, it’s like hot mess, mom. Culture is in case anyone doesn’t know. It’s kind of like that idea,

that deform right out there, it’s in TV shows than movies. It’s at the park with your friends. Like if your kids are little, it’s even like in working mom culture, it’s so prominent. And it really is the idea of like, oh, like coffee to wine and then it’s nine and the kids go to bed and I finally get a break and like,

oh, I’m just like making it first of the next time, my kids are basically a sleeper away from me or like, oh, like I haven’t showered in five days, lool like messy bomb squad and like that. And then like, that’s all fine. Like we all get there, but there’s this culture out there. That’s wearing that as a mask and using it as a crutch.

And there’s this photo comradery and all of it. And it’s kinda like, like in the movies, like in, I think it’s called mom’s night out movies like that, where the villain in the movie is always the mom who is competent and has it together. They always paint her to be like, she’s always like such a bitch. And she’s just like manipulative and mean and nasty,

but really she’s villainized because she has it together. She like loves taking care of her body. She cooks and she likes it. Like, not that that’s anything, but just, she has it together. Like I don’t cook. So I don’t know what that says about me, but it does this. Like she basically, she’s just as together, she’s not a shit show.

She feels good in what she’s doing. And it’s villainized and it’s so much of the same messaging. And like the bad guy, movies is always really rich. Like what is, what are we programmed about money? Like this is happening everywhere. And it’s with mom culture. Like it’s so toxic and it’s, it’s this fake comradery. Like once you get your life together,

you are now going to be out of our circle and you’re not safe here. You’re not welcome here because you got it together. And that, what does that say about us? So it’s like this comradery in weakness and in disaster and chaos and subscribing to this idea that this is what motherhood is. And if you step outside of that, you’re no longer our friend.

And it’s just like this mean girl, mom culture that keeps everyone very limited and small and unhappy. So why would we want to do that to each other? Like let’s decide to unsubscribe from that and subscribe to something that’s actually going to serve us That. And I think it’s so true. I think there’s this whole thing where it’s like, we’re supposed to be a mess we’re supposed to not shower.

We’re supposed to be okay with, with not really having our life together because it’s all about the kids and taking care of you is selfish or something that you should feel guilty about. And it’s totally the opposite. So I want to touch more on this. I want to talk about, I want to talk about some strategies too, for how we declutter,

because I love the way that you talk about it. It’s so manageable. It’s so achievable and it’s so easy. Let’s do that in just a minute. After we come back from our mid episode break. Sound good? Yes. For sure. Extraordinary is a choice. I start the podcast each week with that phrase, but is that true? Have you listened to it and thought,

no, that’s not true. Or maybe it is for some people, but not for me. It took me a long time to see that for myself, that I could choose to make life work for me. Just like we’re talking about here on the podcast, this season is all about designing a life on your terms, the goals, the dreams, the aspirations,

all of that was within reach. Once I understood how it all works and I want you to feel like you can do it too. I want you to see that if I could do it, you can do it. I want you to have the clarity. I want you to have a vision that is so clear. You can’t help, but to succeed at is absolutely what I want for you.

So I have created a transformational course called the extraordinary life, blueprint, a paint by number system to set up your year for success. Then that sound great to set up your year for success. And it’s so easy to do. I run through my signature methodology so you can turn any dream or any goal into a reality. You’ll walk away with an action plan for the next 12 months.

So you always feel empowered to know and to take the next steps. Decision-making confidence is yours. And here’s the best part. Are you ready for this? For a limited time, I’m giving you this course for free, for free. You have until the end of September to grab this deal. Because after that it’s full price. All you have to do is pre-order a hard copy of my new book on purpose.

So for the price of the book, you get the extraordinary life blueprint for free. Just head to Tanya dalton.com/e L B for details. Honestly, pre-ordering the book is one of the best ways you can support me and show me that you have found this podcast helpful. So it’s a win-win for both of us, then that sound good. You get this,

you get this brand new course, absolutely free. Just go to Tanya dalton.com/e L B and get yourself signed up. All right, Allie, I want to talk about some, some strategies. I want my listeners to feel like, okay, this life you’re talking about, moving away from the hot mess, mom kind of culture and moving into taking care of ourselves,

taking care of our homes, feeling good. I mean, damn, isn’t that what it’s really about feeling good about who we are and where we live. That’s what I want to talk about right now in the second half of the show, because I feel like you give a lot of really strong strategies and tactics that make it so easy to want to keep your house nice and neat.

And to really get rid of a lot of that clutter that’s, that’s taking up your time, that’s taking up a lot of your energy and you say the best place to start is by setting the intention for the room. Well, you know, I love that. Right. But walk me through what that looks like. Yeah. So, okay. So because my method doesn’t contain like a ton of rules.

Like there’s definitely some things that are helpful and like guidelines that I have like little rules for myself that helped me like make decisions. But rather than doing that, I like to give you some guidelines that really help you make those decisions for yourself, because it is all relative to you and your family and where you live and all those things. So when we walk into a room and we set the intent for the space,

it really just provides like this foundational baseline that you can kind of come back to whenever you’re not sure what to do with an item. So because like clutter is religious, a bunch of unmade decisions. Like you can’t think of any type of clutter that’s anything other than an unmade decision. Like, does it hold onto something? We need to say that again.

Clutter is just an unmade decision. Yes. It’s a pile of unmade decision. I just needed to soak in that because I think that is so spot on. Yes. Okay. Sorry. Go ahead. As you are. It’s so true. No, it’s fine. It’s so true. And so, okay. So this is the issue is like,

you might think that you’ve tried to declutter before and it just like didn’t work out. This is why, because clutter is just unmade decisions. Well, moms literally have decision fatigue like all day, every day, because all we are doing, no matter how old our kids are, like your kids are old, like old to me, like they’re way old and they’re done.

What do you wait? Whoa, what are you saying about me? If you’re saying my kids are old back alley, hold on. Okay. Like your kids are way older. They’re like high school going into college. Like you’re finishing the, like raising them in your house time. My kids are like, I’m close to the finish line. Yeah.

You’re close to the finish line. My youngest is six I’m out of the like tiny kid stage. But no matter where you’re at in the process, whether you have a newborn and a two year old or you’re in Tanya’s season or my season or somewhere in the middle, you are literally constantly making decisions just because you’re the mom like it’s, it just is what it is.

Yeah. Plus we’re both business owners. So that’s another layer of content decision-making and then just being alive and being a person and having to make decisions like what to eat. And if we should work out before or after you work, like just it’s all the time. So the reason that you may have tried all this before, and it didn’t work, wasn’t because you’re bad at it.

Or you just lost momentum, which I hate when people will say that. But it’s because it’s all, it’s all unmade decisions and you’re exhausted from making decisions. So when we walk into a space and we set the intent, you are deciding one thing that this is the dining room, but we actually don’t need a dining room. We need this to be a homeschool space.

So I’m going to keep the table and all the chairs bring the laptops down here, bring the selves down here, organize our homeschool things in this area and get everything else out that doesn’t align with this being a homeschool space out of here, you just made one decision. You set the intention for what you need that space to do for you. And now as you go through the items,

you have a baseline set. So you can look at, you know, this old crackpot and say, does this belong in a homeschool space? No, not really. And you can move it or get rid of it, like whatever. So, and even like, it seems silly. And I walked through based on the book, but like in the bathroom,

like how do you want to feel when you’re starting your day? How do you want to feel when you’re getting ready, set that intention? Like it matters in a kitchen, like in your bedroom, every get where guests come in and like, how do you want them to feel set the intent? And you give yourself a decision baseline. So while you’re still going to be making little decisions,

like micro decisions, as you go, you have that ultimate decision made and it helps take the pressure off. And you’re not going to be so mentally fatigued as you go through the process, which means you’re more likely to finish. Oh, I love that. I love your example of the dining room, our dining room. I actually converted into a music room.

So we have guitars in there and like keyboard and that kind of like a, you know, like an amp because we don’t use the dining room. So it’s not, it’s not, doesn’t really work with how I was supposed to do it. And I think that’s the thing is we, we play into those rules and we limit ourselves to, this is a dining room.

We only use it for Thanksgiving and Christmas. So I have to keep it as a dining room. So it’s just this room and you’re in your home. That’s not doing anything for you. How can you use it in a way that really benefits you and your life? I think that’s what I love. And this is why Allie and I, we get along so well,

I think because it really is about what works for you. Just like I talk about with productivity, same thing here. It’s what do you need in your home? You, you talk about this idea of looking for the gaps in your home, looking for the things that your home doesn’t have. Can you give an example of, of looking for the gaps in your home?

Yeah. I love it. No one has brought that up by the way, at any of my interviews so far. Thank you for bringing up, looking for the gaps because I love waiting and like trying to squeeze it in, but it’s kind of like, it doesn’t, it just doesn’t happen. And I love this so much because I don’t like,

well, they’ll read the book, it’s fine. But looking for the gaps, this is like so small and so simple and actually side note and all, and you can, you guys can run with this as I explained, but now I take this and I look like in my business and like in my health, like in my relationships, like I take this idea,

but looking for the gaps is a game changer because it’s so frigging obvious. It’s so right. And it’s ingenious. So, okay. Looking for the gaps, I’ll give an example that I believe I put in the book in the last house we lived in, when we got there, it was one of the first times we’d lived in a two story.

I always liked one story. Homes just felt easier, but this last house, we just loved it so much. And it was two stories. So it was the first time that I had had stairs. And I just hadn’t done that before. And I thought like, it would be fine. But as I was living in the house, things were not working.

I noticed there was like, just crap left everywhere. It was like more messy. And I thought, oh, it’s cause there’s like more space. I don’t know. But I started to look for the gaps. And so one way you can do that really easy way is take a scan, go through your house, like one level of your house at a time and just look around what exactly is out for me.

I saw like the Costco hall, like the big cereal boxes I saw like rags from the kitchen, just like thrown in the corner because they were dirty rags. But the laundry room was upstairs. I saw the kids, shoes, kids, stuff that needed to go upstairs. All actually broke my ankle. The first week we moved into that house because there was stuff on the stairs from people being too lazy.

They carry it upstairs. I’m like, listen, you break your ankle story problems. That’s a dead Giveaway. That’s something that needs to find a spot. Right? Exactly. So I’m like laying there with my stupid broken and like looking at looking at everything and just like, okay, like this is two story problems. No one, no one’s taking things upstairs.

So I Google it. And literally every piece of advice was just like, teach people to take it upstairs when they’re done. Are you kidding me? Who’s going to do that. I’m not even going to do that. Not doing it. How am I going to get my kids to do it? If I’m not even willing to do it. Yeah.

Also like, don’t you hate advice that is like an open door for you to become a nag. Right? I’m going to become a nag. If I tell him any more excuses, Nag, like I’m like, could I be more of a nap? Like I Google that. How could I be that bigger nag to my kids? Yeah. Yeah.

I don’t need advice. That’s like, okay, here’s an unrealistic expectation, everyone. And if you don’t uphold it, I’m going to be real pissed. Just it’s stupid. So I basically like looking for the gaps is doing that scan, noticing what’s out, noticing where there are areas that need support and doing something about it. So I’m going to go through all these examples.

I just gave with quick what I did. So the big Costco hall, cereal boxes, like snacks that didn’t need to be refrigerated texted. Things were always out. This was because in that particular house, the pantry was really weirdly small. Like it was, it was weird. It was a really big house with a really weird pantry. And so you need a big pantry and three of them are older boys and they eat a lot of food.

Yeah. So, and we’re all together all day. We eat every meal together. We homeschool and we work at home. So there’s just like a lot of, a lot of food. So there was actually a closet downstairs next to my kitchen. That was like an entryway closet. And we added, we, Brian built like he likes to do woodworking,

but you could have got this at Ikea. He likes to build. And so we put like these big shelves, like white shelves inside the closet against the wall. And it was like an additional pantry storage. So everything, we had a place to put things when they came home and the pantry was too small. So that was one solution. The basket at the bottom of the stairs is my favorite solution because it’s so simple.

Instead of expecting everyone to carry things upstairs, it was, Hey, here’s a basket. Mastermind was prayers, target how to lead everything that needs to go upstairs, goes here. And there’s a bar next to it on the, on the console. If anyone doesn’t do this, I’m going to make a note and you owe me money for leaving your item on the basket.

Is that super annoying? Don’t put it on the basket, put it in the basket. And it goes upstairs. And I, and then I followed through for like a month and the kids got like, they stopped. So cause at first, like they, they weren’t doing it at all. And I really did. I really did take they’re allowed.

They take Trey takes training. Yeah. I taught them. So that was one thing. And then, oh, the rags from the kitchen, I put a hamper in the closet downstairs too. So we could toss the rags in there and then just at night or once a week, or I dunno whenever take the dirty clothes from downstairs, upstairs to the laundry room.

So this is all very obvious and very simple. But the thing is when you’re in the stick of it and you’re not, you’re not thinking like none of this is brilliant. It’s just that sometimes you need someone to tell you, look for the gaps and then bridge them and just take a minute out of your time to do that. And you’re setting yourself up with simple systems.

So you can go and be who you want to be and live your life and cook food and work on your business and be a mom without the disaster all the time. Yeah. Well we tend to overcomplicate things and a lot of times the simple solution is the best solution. And I think I love what I love about that is it’s a perfect example of looking for the gaps,

but then also using a space and an untraditional way that closet was probably designed for coats. So you think you have to put coats in there, but who needs a coat closet all year long? You don’t necessarily have to have it right there. You used it too. Not just in one untraditional way as an extra pantry, but also as with a laundry hamper.

And I think he did something else in there. You talk about in the book. So it used, it was like this multi-functional closet that everybody else is using as a coat closet where the coats are gathering dust. Right? Exactly. Really is this idea of what are you dealing with? Let’s simplify it. And that’s what I think is so beautiful about what you talk about is it is not rocket science.

That’s what I say about my stuff. It’s not rocket science. None of it is hard, which means it’s achievable. And I think that at the end of the day is the genius behind everything that you talk about, everything you talk about here. None of it is stuff that we’re like, this is crazy. It’s like, oh, of course it’s like this beautiful permission slip to live life,

your own way to live life on your terms. And I think you do a fabulous job of really giving us the tools to put in that Fanny pack that highly, highly fashionable Fanny pack of ours. You give us the trends to do that in the book, Sally, can you tell everyone where they can find you and where they can get their copy of declutter?

Like a mother? Yes. I would love to invite you guys over to Instagram. I feel like that’s just really where I show up as myself and just kind of share. I like to share like daily, like just sneak peaks the behind the scenes and tips. Like that’s my favorite platform. So hang out with me there. And the book is available.

Everywhere books are sold, it is in target and you can get it there or Amazon or whatever, floats your boat. And I can’t wait. I can’t wait for you to get it. I can’t wait to give you those kind of like really, really ingenious life hacks and see how much better and lighter you feel and how you change as a person from your space actually supporting you.

It makes me so excited. Well, I can attest that. Allie is one of the people who a lot of times we have, you know, experts in our world where we’re like, do they really live like that? Or are they really that way? I know Allie personally. And she and I, we chat all the time. We’re always on boxer leading like marathon messages for each other.

She really does live this way. So it’s not, this is a thing too. Like I said, Allie’s got four kids. She runs a business and her life is incredibly simplified because she has streamlined because she has not use minimalism. We’re not going to use that word here. That’s the dirty word. She’s really made everything easier and simple. And I think that’s the thing is if she can do it,

if I can do it, you can’t do, you are empowered to make those choices to design life on your own terms. So Allie, this was amazing to have you on. I’m so glad to have you here. And I can’t wait for my listeners to grab ahold of your book. Thank you so much for having me. Oh, I love today’s conversation and I hope you did as well.

I think the thing with Allie is she really does make all of this feel easy and approachable. It feels like this is something you can manage, you know, letting go of a lot of those old rules. You’ve heard me talk quite a bit about the paradigm shift and how we’re, we’re letting go of those old rules and we’re creating new rules for ourselves.

I think that empowerment, that understanding that, you know, even if you want to live a lifestyle that feels like minimalism, you don’t have to play by every single rule that’s laid out for you, that you can make choices about what works truly for you. And you know, I love that. Now I’ll have links to Allie in the show notes,

you can go to Tanya dalton.com, links to how you can connect with her and grab a copy of her book. And speaking of books here I am talking about pre-ordering the book. Once again, I feel like I’m doing pretty good. Getting used to that little bit of discomfort, talking about getting people to pre-order the book. And I think it feels good because of you because of how you guys have showed up for me,

how you have chosen to support me, how you have been sending me these notes about how excited you are about that extraordinary life blueprint. That course that you get for free when you pre-order the book. I think that has helped me. And that’s really what I want out of this podcast is I want us to, to have this community where we understand that it’s all about doing for each other,

that we can step out of our comfort zone, that we can define life by our own terms. We can create our own rules for how we want to run our life, how we want to run our home, how we want to run our business. We can do that when we have the support of others around us. So I just want to say,

thank you so much to those of you who have been supportive of me. This pre-ordering season. It means the world to me, if you have not, pre-ordered your copy of on-purpose the busy woman’s guide to an extraordinary life of meaning and success. Head to Tanya dalton.com/e L B. I want you to see all those details of this incredible program that I have created that I’m giving away for free when you pre-order.

So Tanya dalton.com/e L B. If you haven’t pre-ordered please go ahead and do that. Now that would mean the world to me. We’re going to keep this conversation going, talking about creating our own rules with next week’s episode. I really am thoroughly enjoying this season with you guys really diving into defining a life on our own terms. I think when we begin to understand that we can create our own rules for how we live.

Yes, that is when we have the Intentional advantage. Thanks so much for joining me today. Quick question though, before you go, do you like prizes? When you leave a rating and review of the Intentional advantage podcast, you’ll be entered to win my life changing course, multiplying your time. Simply leave the review and then send me an email@helloatTanyadalton.com with a screenshot.

I choose one winner at the end of every month. So go ahead. Do it right now. Just a quick comment with what you loved about this episode or the show in general and a rating and send it our way. Not going to lie by stars is my favorite, but I’d love to hear what you think of the show. And if that’s not enough of an incentive for you to win the multiplying your time course,

I have to tell you reviews are the number one thing that supports this podcast. And me, it’s the best way to spread the word and get business tips and strategies to all those other women out there who need it. So there you go. Two great reasons for you to go and leave a review right now. So go ahead and do it, send that screenshot my way,

because I want to give you a free course and thanks again for listening today. I’ll be back next Tuesday and I’ll plan to see you then.

 

The Intentional Advantage is one of the best productivity podcasts for women with a female host. This transcript for the show was created using AI.

Tanya Dalton is one of the best female motivational speakers. Her talks on productivity, finding balance and time management connect with women around the world. As a woman, she is able to dive into the struggles businesswomen face as they scale the corporate ladder.