249: How to Set the Right Goals

Extraordinary is a choice. Take that in, soak it up because of the hustle grind, repeat mantra that society has been touting for decades. It had it all wrong. I’m Tanya Dalton. I’m a seven figure. Entrepreneur bestselling author, speaker, mom, and rule breaker. I’m here to help you live to your fullest potential. That’s what this podcast is all about.

The Intentional advantage is doing life on our own terms. Define the status quo and seeing ourselves outside of the tie-dye definition. Society’s name for us. It’s intentionally choosing to step back away from the chaotic rush of your every day and choosing, choosing to see that it’s your world and it’s filled with opportunities. Let’s challenge the bedrock beliefs that so many have wholeheartedly trusted because we were told they were truths.

 

Let’s have a healthy disregard for the impossible. Let’s choose to be extraordinary. Hello? Hello, and welcome to the Intentional advantage podcast. I’m your host, Tanya Dalton. This is episode 249, and we’re going to go into one of my favorite things to talk about, which is goals. We’re going to be talking about goals. We started this conversation last week when I had John on the show and I have to be honest.

 

I, I love that episode. I think though, I love any of the episodes where I can get John to come on the, on the recording and just chat with me because I feel like I just, you know, I let my hair down a little bit more. I’m a little more who I am. I think because being next to John is just my happy place,

 

right? I mean, we’ve been married 21 years now, which seems crazy and insane, especially because I’m only like 25. So I don’t know how that math works, but you know, it was really good. And he pushed back on a lot of the ideas that we were talking about, talked about what my greatest weaknesses, when it comes to goals.

 

And if you haven’t listened to that episode, I would recommend giving it a lesson you’re already here now. So let’s listen to 2 49. Then you can go back and listen to 2 48. If you haven’t listened to it already, because we dive into the five keys of achieving any goal, any dream, any big thing that you’re you want in your life.

 

And what I love about it is all five of those keys are keys. You already own, you already have the ability to use those keys, unlock the doors. The big thing I want you to recognize and realize is that the life you dream about the extraordinary life that we talk about in the book on purpose is absolutely within your reach. I know this because I’ve accomplished a lot of gigantic,

 

enormous audacious goals in my own life, me, a woman who thought she was going to be a stay-at-home mom, a woman who thought this, that was what she was going to do. And yet I set these crazy goals for myself and a chief, him running a seven figure business, you know, without any business experience mind, you never even took a single business course in college,

 

not even in high school, right accomplish that wanted to be an author, became a bestselling author, had a book named top 10 business book of the year, joy of missing out for 2019. That was crazy, right? So this is what I love about it is that if I can do these things, you can do these things because I am no different than you.

 

It’s just understanding that whatever it is you want, whatever you dream of the goals can get us there. Now in the book and on purpose, we talk about this idea. That goals are not the goal. So what I don’t want you to do is I don’t want you to confuse what we’re talking about in this series of episodes that are going to go together.

 

We’re, we’re really diving into this goal setting process. I don’t want you to confuse that with that big vision that you have, because goals are the vehicle to get us to that life. We want goals are the stepping stones that get us closer to that big, beautiful vision that you have of where you want to go. And that’s what I think is most important is really where is it?

 

You want to go? Because today we’re going to talk about how to set the right goals. And the truth is people ask me all the time, what goals should I be setting? And I can’t tell you that I cannot give you a list of you should do this goal and then that goal, and then this goal, and then that goal, because those aren’t the goals that are for you,

 

the right goals are the goals that are right for you. The goals that are unique for you and your purpose, that big, beautiful vision of where it is you dream of going in the future. We need to really start there. We need to start with where is it you want to go? And then we back into all right, now, what are the goals that are right for you?

 

That’s the key here. And that’s, if you take nothing else away from today’s episode, and I hope you do take a lot away, but if you only take one, here you go. I’m going to give it to you right now. We’re less than five minutes into the episode, but I’m giving it to you right now. You need to set the right goals for you.

 

Stop looking around, stop looking at this woman over here, who’s doing amazing things. And that woman over there, who’s doing incredible things in her business. And this woman who’s climbing the corporate ladder and thinking I need to do with, they are doing that is a lie. We tell ourselves. And when we look around at what everybody else is doing,

 

and we start setting our goals for what they are doing rather than for what we want. That’s when we become unaligned. That’s when we become burned out, frustrated, exhausted, and we wonder what the heck we’re doing in our lives. When we’re in alignment, we have so much velocity when we’re in alignment with our goals, with that vision of where we want to go.

 

That’s when everything falls into place, that’s when life becomes easier. I want you to think back. I want you to think about any dream, any goal, any aspiration you’ve had in the past, any of them, you can think of one. You can think of three. You can think of five. It’s up to you. But I want you to really ask yourself this question.

 

What are those goals about? Because I can promise you this. Every goal, every dream, every aspiration you have is steeped in happiness. It’s steeped in being happy. Why do you want to lose the 10 pounds to feel happy in your genes to feel happy? When you look in the mirror, why you want to run the marathon because you want to feel happy.

 

Crossing that finish line. You want to feel proud of the accomplishment you’ve created for yourself. Why do you want to run your own business? So you can be happy living life on your own terms with the freedom that you’re looking for. They are steeped in happiness and happiness is tied to the long-term vision of where it is we want to go. This is how we go from ordinary to extraordinary.

 

Extraordinary is simply the word ordinary with the word, extra tacked at the beginning, extra ordinary, not running the mill, not what everybody else is doing, but what is extra right? Living on purpose. Isn’t about changing who you are. It’s rising up and becoming the best version of you. I have a whole graphic that’s in the very front of the book that talks about that idea because that’s the truth.

 

Living on purpose. Isn’t about, you know, doing these things that feel difficult or hard or wear you out or make you feel burned out. Living on purpose is finding the extra in the ordinary. It’s choosing happiness. It’s doing things that align with you and what you want. But I think the truth is so many times people think that’s not within reach.

 

They think it’s impossible, or they just feel like they need to just keep doing the things they’ve always done. This. This is just how life is when you’re a young mom, you don’t get to shower. You don’t get to do things on your own. You don’t get to chase your goals. When you’re an entrepreneur, you just work 80 a hundred hours a week.

 

That’s just the way it is or whatever story you’re telling yourself about whatever role you’re playing in your life right now. And you say, well, this is just how it is. That is a lie. And it’s opening our eyes to see the possibility. That’s how we choose the right goals. I want to share with a story. It’s a really short story from You squared,

which is by Price Pritchett. This is a great, it’s a super short book, but I want to read to you this story that I think really opened my eyes to understanding why we just keep doing the same things over and over again. So here we go. There’s a small fly burning out. The last of its short life’s energies in a futile attempt to fly through the glass of a window pane.

 

The whining wings tell the poignant story of the fly’s strategy. Try harder, but it’s not working. The frenzied effort offers no hope for survival. Ironically, the struggle is part of the trap. It’s impossible for the fly to try hard enough to succeed at breaking through the glass. Nevertheless, this little insect has staked its life on reaching its goal through raw effort and determination.

 

This fly is doomed. It will die there on the window sill across the room, 10 steps away. The door is wide open, 10 seconds of flying time. And this small creature could reach the outside world. It seeks with only a fraction of the effort now being wasted. It could free itself of this self-imposed trap. The breakthrough possibility is there.

 

It would be so easy. Why doesn’t the fly? Try another approach, something dramatically different. How did it get so locked in on the idea that this particular route and determined effort would offer the most promise for success? What logic is there in continuing until death to seek a breakthrough with more of the same, no doubt. This approach makes sense to the fly.

 

Regrettably. It’s an idea that will kill trying harder. Isn’t necessarily the solution to achieving more. It may not offer any real promise for getting what you want out of life. Sometimes in fact, it’s a big part of the problem. If you stake your hopes for a breakthrough on trying harder than ever, you may kill your chances for success. I love that story.

 

We’ve all seen a fly, trying to make its way out, outside, right through hitting its head repeatedly on the window, pane of glass. And that’s what we’re doing. A lot of times in our own lives, we’re hitting our head against that window. Pane of glass thinking success is on the other side. It’s just right there. I can see it.

 

I can taste it. I know where it is, but you just keep doing the same thing over and over and over again. And we wonder why our head hurts. The truth is we sometimes get caught up in this idea. This is just how life is right. I just keep beating my head against this glass. And eventually it’s going to break.

 

It’s never going to break for that fly. It’s never going to break. We’re just wearing ourselves out. I want to remind you that we as humans, we are wired to be explorers. We’re wired to get out and explore different opportunities and avenues. We don’t have to do what everyone else is doing. We want to look ahead. We want to yes.

 

Assess the dangers. But what happens is we focus on the dangers. We get target fixation. And what happens is when we have target fixation, because we’re only thinking about the dangerousness, the dangers get a little bit closer to us. We start heading straight towards them because that’s what our brain is fixated on. We want to know what’s out there, but we don’t want to give away our power.

 

We want to choose to step out of what we’ve always done. The way that life has always been to the opportunity, to the extraordinary, to seeing what is possibly out there. You know, oftentimes it’s on the other side of that fear that our happiness lies. We, we talk about this in the book in on purpose, and there’s no better visual that I have personally.

 

Then we, I have this video of me from March 3rd, 2003. I know the exact date because it’s the date that my son Jack was born, my oldest. And there’s this moment where we’ve been videotaping me in the hospital, talking and chatting. And then John says, okay, next time I turn on the video camera. We’re going to have Jack here.

 

He’s going to be born. And there is a moment of sheer utter panic that crosses my face in that moment. I might have to see if I can find this video so I can email it to you just so you can see what that look of sheer terror looks like. You can see it in my eyes, suddenly the sparkle in my eye and thinking about having my son is gone and I’m like,

 

oh shit, I’m about to push a baby out. But the truth is at that moment, I didn’t know how good life would be. I didn’t know how much better life would be with Jack in my life. All I knew was this was going to hurt. This was going to be really painful. And yes, it wasn’t exactly a day at the park,

 

but the same time I would do it again. And I didn’t do it again, obviously when I had my daughter. Kay. Right? So we often we fixate on, what’s frightening us. We think about what is possible and impossible. And we forget to realize that the impossible is actually possible that we don’t have to stay so anchored and chain to our current reality,

 

that we can look out and see what it is we want and then create the stepping stones to get there. So often we let our past disqualify us from the future we dream about. I want you to take that in for a second. Sometimes we let our past disqualify us from the future we dream about. We think I can’t do these things because I don’t have this or that or the other.

 

I don’t know if money, I don’t have enough time. I don’t have the fancy degree, whatever it is, or you know what I’ve tried before. And I failed again and again, nothing ever works out for me. Does any of that sound familiar? This is why there’s a whole chapter. The first chapter of the book, in fact called choosing to disrupt your patterns.

 

Our brain loves patterns. It loves to get into the sync of those patterns. In fact, if I said to you, red, yellow, blue, red, yellow, blue, red, yellow, did you say blue in your head? I guarantee you did. Our brain loves patterns. It really does. But what if you chose to say green instead,

 

red, yellow, blue, red, yellow, blue, red, yellow, green. Does that change things for you? Do you have the option to choose green over blue? You do let’s change what you do so you can step into what you were designed to be. That’s what happens when we choose to disrupt the patterns. When we stop living a life on repeat and we decide we are ready to choose the extraordinary,

 

that’s what I want to talk about today. That’s what I want to dive into with you. I want you to understand what are the right goals for you? So you can start setting goals that are the vehicle to that life you want, that are just these stepping stones, getting you closer and closer to that extraordinary. That’s what I dream of for you.

 

All right. So let’s get ready and let’s do that in just a moment. First, let’s take this quick little mid episode break today. We are talking about how does it the right goals for you. And I think that is one of the challenges that a lot of people have is they don’t know, or they want, they want help. They need a sounding board.

 

They need, they need to create the strategy. They are tired of being the fly, beating their head against the window pane. And oftentimes it helps to have someone alongside of you, helping you create that strategy, looking outside of what you’ve always done or always been to help you create those strategies. So that’s one of the things I love to do.

 

And it’s something that I have not talked about in the past very often, but I do these incredible VIP days where we meet up, we spend a day together in person is my favorite. I do them virtually, but in person is so much better because we get to hug. We get to eat lunch together. We get to spend the day together,

 

mapping out your goals, your dreams, whatever it is, you’re wanting to strategize whether it’s for your business or writing a book or in your personal life. But this is something that I’m opening up a few more spaces for in the next quarter of a 2022. So if you’re interested in thinking differently in your business, really creating a lot of momentum and velocity,

 

getting the action steps you need go to Tanya dalton.com/vip. You’ll find details there about how to, how to connect with me about getting a VIP day and spending the day with me, mapping out your life, your business, your goals, your dreams, doing all that fun stuff. We have a lot of fun in these VIP days and we get an incredible amount of clarity and action steps ready to go.

 

So Tanya dalton.com/vip is where you can find the information on joining me for a VIP strategy day. All right, let’s dive into this idea even more about setting the right goals, because I think, honestly, this is the number one thing that people do wrong with their goals. This is why we have the burnout, or this is why you accomplish goals.

 

And you don’t quite get that feeling of satisfaction that you’re looking for. He finished a goal and you think, oh, now what? I don’t know what it is I want to do, right? Or I don’t know what the next steps are. And it’s because they’re not truly aligned when they’re aligned. And they’re getting you closer to that big, beautiful vision of where it is you want to go.

 

It’s easier to know what the next step is and the following step. And that’s really, when goals become fun, when they become enjoyable, we, we have a lot of joy in our everyday life because each one of our goals are connected. They’re aligned and they’re giving us the momentum we want. That’s why it becomes easier because each goal gets you closer,

 

right? So that’s the biggest thing that we do wrong. So this is why I wanted to spend today’s show really talking about how to set the right goals. And that really begins by what is that vision? Where is it? You are wanting to go in that big, bright, beautiful future that we’re talking about. You’ve heard me say big, bright,

 

beautiful future several times today. And you’ve probably heard me say it a hundred times before, but that’s what it is that vision that you’re looking out past today, you know, living on purpose is about living bigger than your to-do list. It’s bigger than just checking things off your list. It’s looking out on the horizon and seeing this vision of where it is you want to go,

 

right? And I call this your cathedral in the book, because cathedral thinking is based on this whole idea that in the, you know, 11 hundreds, the 12 hundreds, you know, a thousand years ago, almost these artisans and these city planners and these architects had this vision of building these cathedrals. And these cathedrals have stood the test of time.

 

They’re still standing today. Many of them across most of Europe, but those artisans, those architects, they knew that that cathedral would not be finished in their lifetime. It was their legacy work. It was the big dream that would stand the test of time long after they were gone. And that’s what I want you to be thinking about. What is your legacy work?

 

What is your cathedral look like? And I think so often we get overwhelmed by that and we think, oh gosh, I have no idea or what, what I’m even capable of. And that the reason why that is, is because I truly believe that we have this backpack that we wear on our backs. So we have this backpack and we go through life and we’re gathering together experiences and knowledge and information and failures lessons we’ve learned.

 

And we just start putting them into our backpack. So we’re putting in this thing on our back where we don’t even see them because they’re on our back, but they’re really heavy goes, God knows. There’s a lot of them, a lot of lessons that we’ve learned a lot, a lot of things that we’ve stumbled through that we gained some knowledge from a lot of experiences.

 

A lot of, a lot of things that didn’t go well, a lot of things I did, but a lot of things that didn’t, that just keep going in that backpack. And we forget we have that backpack on because it’s behind us. And sometimes we have to take that backpack off. We have to put it in front of us. We have to unzip it and unpack it.

 

And when we start to unpack the backpack, we go, oh God, there is a lot in there. There’s a ton of stuff in there. And that’s what reflection does for us. It allows us to take this backpack of knowledge, of information, of lessons, of all the things that have culminated into who you are today. It allows us to take that backpack off and unpack it to spread it out in front of us and take a good look.

 

Because when you start to do that, you start to realize, wow, I know a lot more than I really realized. We’re not very good at giving ourselves credit for all the things we know, all the things we do. Well, all the things that we have gathered together in our lifetime that have built us to who we are. Instead of we like to think about all the things we haven’t done.

 

Well, all of the things that have just been screwed up or failures or whatever they are, but I want you to take your backpack and really unpack it. Take a good look at it. Because a lot of times you’re going to see themes. You’re going to see well patterns. Our brain loves patterns. I might’ve mentioned that to you, but we’ll start to see patterns of ideas,

 

huh? This has happened a lot in my lifetime. I really enjoyed learning this lesson. I really enjoyed what I got out of this. I really enjoy exploring these ideas and concepts. Those are ways we can start to really decide what our cathedral looks like with that big, bright, beautiful future looks like, you know, in the book we talk about using your past to help drive you forward.

 

Right? And at one point in the book, I say, sometimes we have to look at how far we’ve come in order to see how far we can go. And I think that’s really true because I think so often we think I can’t make it to this cathedral. It’s too big. It’s too far away, but it’s no different than if you’ve ever been hiking or out on a walk.

 

And you, you get to a point where your knees are just going to give away. And you’re a tired, your calves are screaming out and you kind of stop for a second and you, you start breathing right. Or trying to breathe because you’re out of breath and you look back behind you and you go, oh my gosh, look how far I’ve come.

 

I came a long ways. And then you realize if I came this far, I can keep moving forward. I can keep getting to the top of wherever it is. I’m hiking too. And that’s what happens when we unpack our backpack. We begin to see all the little things in our past that have gotten us to today and how those can, those can be our springboards to getting us to our future.

 

And in the book, we dive into a couple of strategies of how you can use your past as you know, questions to dive into. So I’m not going to get into that because we talk about that in the book, but that’s a great resource for you to really dive into those questions about who you were in the past, right. Diving into that fifth.

 

Why that we talk about in the book even. So we unpack our backpack in order to see this cathedral. And this cathedral is our potential. That’s where we could go in our lifetime. That’s what I want you to realize that potential is yours. No one else’s. This is your cathedral. When we take off our backpack and we look at everything that’s in there,

 

that’s what helps us realize what the vision is for you. And in the book, I call it wayfinding.  I draw it out like a timeline, kind of like the timelines you made, like maybe when you were in like second grade, right. Where there’s like, you are here on the left and over on the right is the future, right? That’s your potential all the way on the other end of that timeline is your potential.

 

So this is your potential in, let’s say 10 years in 20 years. So down the road, a pretty long ways away from where you are now. And that’s part of the problem is it’s so damn far away that it feels like that is never going to happen. Okay. Let’s back up your timeline a little bit. So we back up the timeline a little bit and let’s think about what is possible.

 

If this is your potential in 10 years, 20 years down the road, what is possible in three to five years, what would be possible for you to do that would get you closer to that beautiful cathedral that you dream about? Okay, well, this is, what’s possible getting you to that potential. We’re not closer to where we are today, but we’re still,

 

that’s pretty far away, right? So we had our potential 10 to 15 years down the road. Then we talked about what was possible, three to five years down the road. What’s practical, let’s back our timeline up, even closer to where we are today. What is practical? What could I do practically in the next 12 to 18 months? So in the next year to year and a half,

 

what would be truly practical with where I am today? All right. Do you see how we’re backing up our timeline right now that practical landmark to get you to that cathedral, it’s pretty close to where you are, but it’s still a ways away, right? So we had our potential. Then we have what’s possible. Then we have what’s practical. Now,

 

if this is what is practical in 12 to 18 months, what do I need to prioritize in the next three months, six months, nine months? What is it I need to prioritize? All right, we’re getting that timeline even closer. And here’s the catch those things we want to prioritize. Those are our goals. Those are the right goals for you.

 

You know why? Because those are your first stepping stones to get to that beautiful cathedral. All of it is connected because it’s all on this beautiful timeline. So that way you’re absolutely aligned with that vision of where it is you want to go. And this is so much easier, honestly, to walk through when you see the visual in the book. So if you have the book,

 

open it up and take a quick peek at page 88, because you’ll see this timeline there for you, with your potential all the way, 10 to 20 years down the road, what’s possible three to five years down the road, then what’s practical. And then what we need to prioritize. And in the book, I go through several examples of what this looks like with real life cathedrals,

 

like getting a man on the moon or being a CEO on the cover of Forbes magazine or retiring at the age of 50, whatever your big cathedral is. I give an example there in the book. So that’s on page 88 and 89. But what I want you to realize and recognize is this is how we decide what our goals are when they are in alignment with the big vision,

 

instead of just setting our goals, kind of Willy nilly. And this is what happens a lot of times, especially around new year’s Eve, right? Is everybody’s talking about their new year’s resolutions. And it’s like, oh, I want to lose weight. I want to drink more water. I want to, you know, I want to start my business and it’s just kind of thrown out there.

 

It’s not truly aligned with you and what you want. Long-term that’s what creates the extraordinary, the extraordinary comes from taking the ordinary. This is what I think I want and making it extra. It’s the extra effort, the extra thought, the extra intentionality behind it. Honestly, when you start to see that goals can be aligned to something so much bigger than just today or losing the five pounds or drinking the extra gallon of water a day,

 

whatever it is that you think that you want to do when we choose goals, instead that are aligned to this bigger vision. That’s when we have the happiness. That’s when there becomes the joy in the journey. And I, I know it’s such a trite phrase, find joy in the journey, but why don’t we, why don’t we find joy in the journey?

 

Why do we feel like we have to struggle through each and every day to earn the joy? You don’t have to earn joy. You don’t have to earn happiness. It’s already there. It’s available to you right now, right here. When we choose to live a life that feels aligned with what we truly desire with what we truly want. That’s how we make the bigger impact.

 

That’s how we fill our own cup up so we can fill up the cups of everybody else. That’s what I want you to remember. So if you haven’t had a chance to pick up on purpose, I would recommend picking it up. If for nothing else, looking at page 88, 89, to walk through what this timeline looks like. I have never seen a goal setting book that explains to you how you can find your own goals.

 

And that was so important to me in this book. It was so important to me that we create a strategy and a system so that you could truly decide what it is you want in your life. That is my goal with this book is that you see that it is possible that even though the patterns of your past have looked a little bit different, it doesn’t mean we can’t disrupt them.

 

It doesn’t mean we can’t choose to see this incredible vision of where we want to go. It doesn’t matter if it looks Fastly different than what your reality looks like today, what matters is that you choose to take the steps to get closer to it. And that’s what setting the right goals does for you. And that’s what I want to encourage you to do.

 

If you have on purpose, you also have access to the free companion guide that goes with it. I have a timeline just waiting for you to fill out. So I would love to encourage you to build some momentum today, by thinking about what is your potential, what is possible? What is practical? And then what do I need to prioritize and decide on what you want for your goals for the coming year,

 

or if you’re listening to this, you know, down the road, months down the road, it doesn’t matter. You don’t have to wait until December or January to set your goals. Do it now, go ahead and create your own. Think about what you want your cathedral to be. And if you’re not sure, pick up a copy of the book,

 

we walked through it. We walked through it in the companion guide. We walked through it in the on-purpose books. Some of the questions to ask yourself to really dive into that. But I want to encourage you to go ahead and start creating your own timeline so you can choose the right goals for you. Because what you’re going to find is when you set goals that are in alignment for that big,

 

bright, beautiful future, you envision that’s when you have the Intentional advantage. Thanks so much for joining me today. Quick question though, before you go, do you like prizes? When you leave a rating and review of the Intentional advantage podcast, you’ll be entered to win my life changing course, multiplying your time. Simply leave the review and then send me an email@helloatTanyadalton.com

 

or the screenshot. I choose one winner at the end of every month. So go ahead. Do it right now. Just a quick comment with what you loved about this episode or the show in general and a rating and send it our way. Not going to lie by stars is my favorite, but I’d love to hear what you think of the show.

 

And if that’s not enough of an incentive for you to win the multiplying your time course, I have to tell you the reviews are the number one thing that supports this podcast. And me, it’s the best way to spread the word and get business tips and strategies to all those other women out there who need it. So there you go. Two great reasons for you to go and leave a review right now.

 

So go ahead and do it, send that screenshot my way, because I want to give you a free course. And thanks again for listening today. I’ll be back next Tuesday and I’ll plan to see you then.

 

**This transcript was created with AI.

Tanya a female productivity expert, the author of 2 books on productivity systems and purpose. She is a woman who is out to redefine productivity for women through her keynote talks to corporate audiences, womens organizations and ERG groups. She is the best woman keynote speaker for productivity, time management, finding balance and setting goals.