250: Your Thoughts are the Real Fake News with Cathy Heller | Tanya Dalton Skip to the content
Cathy Heller quote from her podcast interview on The Intentional Advantage
December 21, 2021   |   Episode #:

250: Your Thoughts are the Real Fake News with Cathy Heller

In This Episode:

Your thoughts have the ability to influence your reality. So often we forget or we don’t notice our own thoughts, but the truth is: scientists have discovered that about 85% of your thoughts are negative and 70% of those thoughts repeat constantly.. Our brain is primed to help us survive and belong–even if survival means not living your best life. In today’s episode, Cathy Heller and I discuss what it would look like to embrace rejection, why we don’t want everyone to like us and how we can choose our thoughts, which helps us choose our future.

Show Transcript:

The Big Idea

You don’t have to listen to that loud obnoxious voice in your head.

Questions I Answer

  • What’s my role in the world?
  • How do I get off the hamster wheel of life?
  • How can I do something I actually love

Key Moments in the Show

[04:07] Why you should you quit your day job

[06:06] The two lies we tell ourselves that keep us stuck in a rut

[09:08] What Cathy learned from Mindful Awareness and how it helped her create her dream life

[11:05]  Why your thoughts are the real fake news

[15:01] The questions to ask yourself to help recognize the thoughts that are holding you back

[17:20]  What would it look like if you embraced rejection?

[20:35] Why you actually don’t want everyone to like you

[22:38] What Cathy is tired of saying because it’s stealing her joy ( and you probably say it too)

[24:21] Why your business doesn’t a big audience to make an impact

[31:11] Why we have to stop fixating  on the “doing” in order to be successful

Resources and Links

  • Connect with Cathy Heller:
Show Transcript

Extraordinary is a choice. Take that in, soak it up because of the hustle grind, repeat mantra that society has been touting for decades. It had it all wrong. I’m Tanya Dalton. I’m a seven figure entrepreneur bestselling author speaker, mom, and rule-breaker I’m here to help you live to your fullest potential. That’s what this podcast is all about. The Intentional advantage is doing life on our own terms,

define the status quo and seeing ourselves outside of the tidy definition societies make for us, it’s intentionally choosing to step back away from the chaotic rush of your every days and choosing, choosing to see that it’s your world and it’s filled with opportunities. Let’s challenge the bedrock beliefs that so many have wholeheartedly trusted because we were told they were truths. Let’s have a healthy disregard for the impossible.

Let’s choose to be extraordinary. Hello and welcome to the Intentional advantage podcast. I’m your host, Tanya Dalton. This is episode 250. We have been talking all season long about living on purpose, really tying in a lot of those concepts and ideas that we talk about in the book on purpose and applying them into our lives. So over the past couple of weeks,

we’ve been starting to dabble a little bit into talking about goal setting. And last week we talked about how to set the right goals. And when I said the right goals, I was talking about really the right goals for you. And next week, we’re going to talk about, you know, how do we actually set those goals? What does that look like?

Really setting goals with impact. And I knew that sandwiched in between those episodes. There’s a lot of information in there. I wanted to have someone on the show who I knew would light you up, get you excited, help you feel inspired about the goals that you want to set. And so when I sat down and thought about it, only one person came to mind.

Honestly, my friend, Cathy Heller, because Cathy Heller is she’s a fire hose of inspiration. She has an incredible podcast where she has over. I think she’s over 25 million downloads. It’s called don’t keep your day job. I actually met Kathy because I was a guest on her podcast and we had so much fun talking about on purpose that I knew she would be the ideal guest for this episode that we need right here.

Kathy has been featured in Forbes, entrepreneur, Huff post Inc magazine business, insider so many different places. And she’s been featured with her podcast several times by apple. What Kathy does is she encourages her thousands and thousands of listeners to find more and to get paid, to do what they love. She has had amazing guests on her show. Matthew McConaughey,

Jenna Fischer, Seth Goden, Harry Connick, Jr. She is incredible. And she brings a lot of that knowledge that she’s gotten from all these guests into her podcast episodes into her book. And you’ll hear that when we’re having our conversation today, I think you’re just going to absolutely love Kathy. So let’s go ahead. Let’s go ahead and dive in to today’s episode because I know you’re going to feel incredibly inspired,

Kathy. I am so excited to have you on the show today. We had so much fun when I was on your podcast. So I’m really excited about having you on today. I always have fun with you and I feel like part of the reason your listeners are listening is because you’re like, everybody’s immediate best friend. And so I said to you,

I was like, we can do an interview or we can just hang out. Cause I’m happy to just be here. So thanks for having me. Absolutely. We had a lot of fun for even hit record. Let’s be honest. I want to talk about, I mean, you have an incredible podcast and you have a great book as well, both called don’t keep your day job.

Right? So we’ve been talking this season about living our lives on purpose. We’ve been talking really in depth with goal setting and how goals are the vehicle to get us to that life we want, let’s talk about this idea of your day job. What does that mean? What do you mean by day job? First of all, thanks for getting it right.

I’m I’m on so many podcasts and they say it obviously the classical way, you know, don’t quit your day and I’m like, no, no, it’s, it’s okay. Don’t need to prep for that. So thank you for preparing, but yeah. What does that mean? It’s a great question. Cause I use that title as a euphemism for that,

which feels like the mundane, right? Your day job is the stuff that doesn’t light you up typically, right? So if some people have a day job and it is lighting you up, then that’s not exactly what I was referring to because the classical thing is don’t quit your day job when you have something you really want to be doing. And so I’m positing with this show,

I believe. And I do believe this, that every human being is needed here. And I believe that everybody has been assigned a mission. I really do think we all have something it’s kind of like my daughter loves to do puzzles. And once in a while, we’re trying to finish the puzzle and there’s one or two pieces missing. And my husband’s always says,

put them all back in a Ziploc. You always lose one. But when there’s a missing piece, it doesn’t matter if it’s in the middle or if it’s in the corner, it just really feels incomplete. And I have always, since I was a little kid felt that feeling that each person has something in them that makes them come alive, that when they do that,

it makes the world a little bit more complete. And so I think one of the reasons that people don’t actually have it is because they believe one of two lies, which is, well, it’s not really possible for me to do something that gives me purpose and get paid. And then the second lie is even if it was possible, I don’t feel like I’m enough.

I’m not worthy of it. I’m not enough for it. I’m not tall enough, short enough, thin enough, white enough, black enough, dark enough cherry colored enough, whatever it is enough. And so I believe that that’s not actually true. And so over the course of my life, I have kind of gone through my own little journey with that.

When I went to LA at 24, I wanted to get a record deal and long story, very short. I wrote mediocre music until I wrote better music and I did get a record deal. And I got dropped from the label and I was like, wait a minute. I was just so close. I was right there, got dropped, got a day job,

got another day job. And after working a few day jobs, I was like so sad. And I heard a friend say to me, you know, Kathy, I think the opposite of depression is not happiness is purpose. And you’ve lost a sense that you have something in you that makes an impact. And I said, you’re right. And I knew that if I kept going that way,

I wouldn’t be in a good place. And so I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror. I didn’t like who I was. I was sort of a shell of myself and I quit my job. And I asked a new question, which was, is there any other way that I could do what I love besides beyond say or nothing? Right. And I wound up streams,

Beyonce, Beyonce, or bust. So I was like, what could I have a bumper Sticker right there, It’s a good bumper to be on their bus. And I decided, what if I started looking into how I would, how could I do something else with this challenge? And I wound up seeing that some artists were licensing music to film and TV shows.

And so I wound up saying, I’m going to do that. And I went all in. And for 10 years I wrote music for pretty little liars and McDonald’s commercials and Grey’s anatomy. And it was really fun until it led me to say, I want to help other people to find this where they get to kind of like get off the hamster wheel of life.

It doesn’t feel meaningful. And once, and for all go do something they love doing and get paid to do it. Cause that kind of feels like you won. You are jackpot. And so I started a podcast and I’ve now been able to help people start to recognize how absolutely you can find a way to do something you love, that lights you up,

that you can get paid. Did you so that you can do it all the time and not leave it for retirement or for a rainy day? Yeah. I think so many people are just living life on repeat where it’s like, ah, this is just the way it is. This is just how life is. It’s not great. One day, you know,

maybe then it’ll be great when I retire or when I do this or that or the other. And it’s like, no, I truly believe joy is your birthright. Happiness is something we don’t have to earn. It’s something that’s available to us if we choose to see it. So I love in your story, it’s this idea that, you know, your gift was,

was making music, right. But then this one linear path was not working. So instead of saying, well, apparently I suck and that’s just that, and now I’m going to go do something I hate or, you know, you were like, how do I look at this differently last week? Are you familiar with the book? You squared by price Pritchett.

I’m aware of it, but I never read it. Yeah. Well, I read a short story from there last week in the podcast about a fly who’s trying to get to the outside. Right. And we’ve watched this before with a fly beating its head against the window pane thinking there’s only one way to get outside with all it has to do is go like 10 feet the other direction and go out the door out the door that’s wide open.

Right. And that’s what you did is you stopped beating your head against the window pane and you were like, all right, where’s the door. I love that. Yeah. And I think one thing that actually helped is when I was in LA, I was taking classes at the UCLA mindful awareness center and avoided I needed because it was so anxiety provoking to me to be present or meditate or any of those things.

But it was really cool to learn like the science and learn how to like sit in a group of 30 people and just be still. Right. And you, gosh, do you learn so much about yourself from that? So I spent a few years there and what I learned Tanya is that our brain is an artifact basically of like all of these thoughts that have been on repeat for most of our life and 80 to 85% of these thoughts are negative,

right? And his brain was created to protect us. And so we’re always sort of looking, but what happens is every thought creates a feeling. That’s just how the brain works. And then those feelings create a chemical response. And a lot of those negative feelings create cortisol in the body, which is a stress hormone. And then that dictates right. More of how you feel.

And then it totally determines the actions you take. And then your life is completely a result of that. So when you really get that, you realize if I say that again, we’re having thoughts all day long, 85% of them are negative. 70% of those thoughts repeat all day, every day, the same exact one since we were like eight years old and those thoughts create feelings and those feelings each like create a chemical in the brain.

And most of the time it’s cortisol, which is stress. And then we have certain behaviors based on that. And it happens so quickly. It’s like a software that’s just running from the time we wake up. And when we become aware of it, we start to notice it and we can, we can decide sort of how to chart the day, how to right the ship.

And so when people say, and this is why your books are so important, this is why the work that we’re both doing is so important when people say, oh, it’s mindset. I’m like, no, it’s not like putting a calendar on your desk with a cute quote. It’s No, It’s like deliberately excavating. What’s really not working for you.

And so you’re right. We keep hitting our head against this window because there’s this belief there’s so many of these beliefs, like it has to be hard or I’m not really worthy of it or there’s no other way. And so what happens is when you tell yourself a belief, your brain looks for evidence. That it’s true. So if I were to say,

you know, girls are really gossipy. If I, if my brain told me that, right, my brain would immediately look for evidence that that’s true. And I could think of like six or seven girls who are gossipy. And then my brain goes, see, there’s the truth. But if I told myself a totally different thought, like women are really spiritual,

women are really giving my brain will immediately pull out a file of nine women who were giving. Right? So this is where I always say this. Now that thoughts are like the real fake news, you know? Cause just because you think it doesn’t make it true. And especially when you say something over and over and over again to yourself, why do you think it’s true?

And so I think what you and I are doing with this podcast today, what you do all the time, what I do all the time is to really go back and say, hang on a second. Is that really the case? And so what I did with my podcast, and this is why I wanted to have you on my podcast and we’ve done almost 600 shows.

I wanted to show people a totally new possibility. And so in 600 episodes now we’ve reached 25 million downloads because people are gobsmacked that every single episode, the cost of admission is you are not a trust fund baby. If you’re on my show, the cost of admission is you were able to build a life doing something you love, right? So it has to be a person who’s doing a passion project,

creative project, a baker, a painter, a dancer, a writer, a woman who started her own greeting card business. It’s something like that. And can you imagine what happens? Just like people listening to your show and reading your books, people go, oh, okay. There is a different way. And then they don’t have to keep hitting that head on the window.

They can fly out the other door because it’s open and it’s been open this whole time. I think that’s the thing is the door has been open the whole time. We just don’t stop and look at it because I think too, I like what you’re talking about there with your thoughts, all those negative thoughts, just on repeat, we don’t even notice it because it’s just the background noise.

It just feels like reality. Yeah. Yeah. What is, That is what creates our reality. Our brain starts filtering, like you just said, our reticular activating system. If we want to nerd out and talk about how your brain works, your reticular activating system. Let me get my lab coat on it’s filtering because your brain is dated with so much information.

So it’s like, you know what? I want to show you that you’re right. Confirmation bias at its very simplest form. Right? I love that whole idea. That thoughts are the real fake news because all you have to do is recognize the thought that’s that’s the first step is just recognizing it. So what do you think is the easiest way to stop and recognize it?

Cause I have a way that I talk about, about, I want to hear what your thoughts are like, how do we even hear what that record is on repeat in our brain? I mean, what I think is really cool is that we, we have feelings which are like the alarm sounding, right? The problem is we’ve also got this belief that,

well, life’s supposed to be hard or it’s supposed to be uncomfortable. It’s supposed to suck as if it’s a struggle. It’s hard, it’s this. So sometimes we’re not even aware. We’re so desensitized to our sadness, to our pain, to whatever. But the point is, if you could be aware that you’re feeling anxious in a moment, if you could be aware that you’re feeling sad or whatever,

in a moment, that’s a really good time to sound the alarm and then take out a flashlight and see if you can find a thought in that moment. That’s responsible right now for why you’re feeling sad. And if you’re feeling sad or, or anxious, it’s highly possible. Now, it’s also possible that in that moment, that is the appropriate feeling because somebody is passing away or somebody you’re a hundred percent,

but we all know that there is a lot of suffering that is not for that reason. And so when it’s in those moments, highly likely that there’s a thought behind why you’re feeling that way. And I really love the Byron Katie work where she’s like, ask yourself four questions about that thought, is it true? Is it absolutely behind us beyond a shadow of a doubt,

the truth. And then how do you feel when you think it and what’s the turnaround of it. And to give you a great example, just yesterday I was coaching a group of women and I was asking them, what are those thoughts? And to write it down. And they were, and then I said, what’s really behind all of those thoughts.

And what we noticed when people were writing their answers is that all of it had to do with this idea that I don’t want to be rejected. I don’t want someone to not like me. Like that was really what was at stake. Was this fear that they wouldn’t be like, so somebody said something that was a reject rejection essentially. And I said something that Byron Katie taught me,

which is what if you turned it around that instead of being like, I can’t handle this rejection or I hate that they don’t like me. She would say, what’s great about the rejection. What’s great. Yeah. And she would, she would force you in the work to be creative and come up with something. And we know we wound up coming up with yesterday because,

and I’m using this, not only because it happened yesterday, but because this is the single greatest resistance and obstacle for every person is this feeling of it’s courage. It’s never, you know, this, it’s never a business problem. It’s a courage problem. And it’s the courage around being rejected, failing publicly. You know, somebody’s not thinking who does she think she is?

It’s all related to that feeling of being rejected. So I said to them, what’s great about that. What would be great about you being rejected and all my God? Not only was it such a freeing exercise, but all these women were giving answers and some of the answers were, well, I guess it would be great because then the wrong people would exit stage left.

And I said, oh, wouldn’t that be great? And boy, is that good for your business to have the wrong people? Walk out? Why else is it good? Well, because it relieves you of having to be so focused on the shame, right? Because after a while, you’re just like, oh, I don’t have to feel shame around this.

I can be desensitized. It’s okay. And my friend, Susie Moore says, you know what, Kathy not, everybody’s going to like you and that’s not a problem. Yeah. That’s not a bad thing because the truth is I don’t like everybody, right? Like there are some people I go, not my music, not my cup of coffee. Rather go to this coffee shop.

You know what I mean? Like we all have those moments where you wait for the car and you turn to your husband after the party and you go, why is she like that? Or why is he this way? Right. We all have that. So Susie said, it’s not a problem that people don’t like you, some people don’t like Seinfeld,

some hope. Some people don’t like sushi. Some people just don’t like the Greek islands. It’s okay. The problem, I know those people Are my people. I can tell you. I know, I Know, but she, but she said, the problem is thinking that it’s, that it shouldn’t happen. Right. That’s the problem. And so this is what I see.

And I think that what you asked me was, well, what do you do? It’s the questioning of it. And because here’s the thing, there’s always a payoff to thinking, that’s that thought, and there’s a secondary gain. And the way the brain works is ultimately that secondary gain. Why are you holding onto that thought? Because on some level,

your brain thinks that will protect you. Then if you can hold on to this feeling of they’re going to reject me and blah, blah, blah. Even though it causes you a lot of pain and stress and heartache, it protects you from the feeling of being rejected. But Glennon, Doyle would say, well, what if you just walked straight into the rejection?

And now you don’t have to live your life afraid of rejection. Like rejection happens to everybody and you can do hard things and it’s okay. Let them reject you. Like what would a Dell do if she was at her concert and the first four rows got up and walked out to go hear somebody else, she’d just blow them a kiss, like have a great night.

Like, I don’t need you to be here. It’s okay with me. That’s amazing. I think the whole idea and the concept of what would it look like to embrace rejection? I mean, one of the things that John says to me fairly often, these he’s like, everybody likes you. You’re not making any ways. You’re not doing anything different.

You’re just following the tide. You’re just doing the same thing everybody is doing. When you go against the status quo, when you live a life that is meaningful to you, regardless of what other people think or believe people are going to get their feathers ruffled. And that’s okay. Not everybody’s going to like you. That’s, it’s tough though, to internalize,

you know, it is tough, but that whole For girls, because we’ve been socialized to be so pleasing and accommodating and nice and likable, and it’s like, we feel it on our core level. Like if somebody doesn’t like me, I don’t know who I am. That’s my whole identity. It’s like, we’ve made our entire feeling of safety and who we are based on getting everyone’s vote.

And that’s a really easy way to sell yourself down the river. Because if everybody likes you, if you, if you get the belonging from everybody, then you lost authenticity somewhere because you can’t, you can’t stand with everybody and stand for something. At some point, you’re going to say, I actually don’t like that TV show. I actually didn’t vote for that person.

I actually don’t like that color. I actually am allergic to that food. And if you just always say, yeah, sure, yeah, sure. It’s like, you, you just don’t belong to yourself anymore. Oh, that’s such a powerful statement. If you, we, you said, if you got the belonging, you lost the authenticity. Wow.

I mean, I’m like, can we stop and just unpack that because I feel like, I think especially as women, we feel like our job is to make everybody happy, which is why I think we shoved down those feelings of sadness, anger, resentment, anything that’s quote, unquote, a bad feeling. We feel like, Nope, gotta show up.

I got to look happy. I got to smile. I got lifted anybody up. Cause that’s my job. I’m a giver. So if I’m going to give to other people, I can’t, if I’m low, nobody, then I’m going to expect people to give to me. And that’s not okay. Terrible. And, and you know what? I’m so sick of hearing myself.

Right? Cause I I’m guilty of it. I’m so sick of hearing myself and other women say, I have no time for myself. I do nothing. It’s like, it’s not a badge of honor. I hear myself say it. And I’m just like, stop it. Like, don’t say that to your husband, put yourself first and go get a massage,

go have a girls’ night. It’s not his job. Right. But boy, are you gonna wind up being such an empty fuel tank if you don’t do anything to fill yourself up. And so that’s why when I see I bought your book before I ever met you, because I needed a little bit of that where I would say no to things and learn how to take care of myself.

And that helped me a lot. Well, I think we all need reminding of that. You know? I mean, I wrote a book about saying no and I still will say yes and be like, oh, you know why? Because I’m human and I’m a woman. And a lot of times we are, we, we worry about what everybody thinks,

feels believes in and we need everybody’s buy-in and we don’t, we don’t need everybody’s buy-in in order to be happy, A hundred percent. We don’t. I mean, I just posted on Instagram the other day that there’s 8 billion or so people in the world and I have five friends. Like when you really think about it and for everybody who’s listening, do you need everybody?

Like you’ve spent your entire life up till now, meeting lots of people. How many people are really your friend? How many human beings can you sit down with and be vulnerable? And you know, this person is not going to judge you and is there. And you can celebrate with them when things are good and you can cry with them and they won’t try to cheer you up.

If things are bad, they’ll let you have your FA like five friends. So it’s like, we don’t need everyone to like us. And what if we stop trying to win a race, we don’t need to win. And for your business, which is something you and I both, you know, I do both of those things, right? I help people with this stuff,

but also with their business, you don’t need, you don’t need a hundred percent of the audience in order to make a million dollars. You don’t. I made my first hundred and $47,000 when I just started with a couple, a couple hundred people, you know, who wanted to be a part of what I was doing. Right? And, and very quickly we built a business that’s now this year are gonna hit eight figures.

I’m not famous. I don’t have half a million Instagram followers. Yeah. The podcast grew, but we were making multi seven figures right away. When I had like very few people listen to, We need a lot of customers, clients it’s the quality time and time and time again. But we we’re, we’re a society obsessed with numbers, whether it’s numbers on the scale numbers,

on your paycheck, numbers, on the, you know, followers, the number of likes we get. I mean, how many times when people post they’re like, Ooh, nobody liked this. Oh, The worth of it. Right? And our worth is just not determined by any number out there. I love that you have five friends, right?

Five people who you care about, who their buy-in is important to you. But that’s the thing is our brains are not wired for tribes of billions of people. Our brain is really wired, honestly, for tribes of no more than 50. I mean, 50 is kind of the limit that they have discovered that our brain can truly handle with feedback 50 versus right.

This gigantic number. And listen to this. This is such a cool thing. My friend Brit Morin from Britain coach has told me this a few weeks ago, which is that when she was working at Facebook and apple in the early days, they would talk about the virality rate of certain apps and things that they were building. And she told, she told me that mark Zuckerberg was telling her at one point,

that 1.3 meant that they would be the most successful company ever. And I said, what does that mean? That means that if one person told 1.3 people that it was going to, then that would be it. And she said, yeah. And that’s what happened. I said, but that’s insane that you didn’t say if they each told 10 people,

he said 1.3. That’s not even to, even if you round it up, what I want people to hear? No. And so she says to me, listen, she said, you know how you can see this is in COVID because during the pandemic, they kept saying that if the number was over one, that one person would transmit it to one person that the hospitals will be overcrowded.

So we would have to see it under one. And I said, you’re right. That’s a really powerful example now that everybody can understand. And why I’m saying it is because again, the numbers, the numbers, like you said, you’re right. We’re obsessed with what do we weigh? Well, how many followers, the number, the number, but the truth is that if you were able to connect with one person,

I didn’t say eight one person. And let’s say today, you serve someone in your business, but you serve them to such a level that they are compelled to tell another person, your business will be off the hook. And that’s what happened with my business. That’s what happened? Your business. I started a podcast with zero. I didn’t have an Instagram following.

I didn’t have a listener. I didn’t have a famous name. I didn’t have anything. And the people who listened to the podcast or at least enough of them each felt no, not not that it was cool. Not that it was okay. It was so meaningful. They had to tell one person, have you heard this podcast? And it grew to 25 million downloads with no advertising whatsoever.

Same thing with my business. So if you really get that, then instead of looking at the numbers and the numbers, the numbers, it’s like, okay, what does it mean to serve one person? And then what you do is you pull back the curtain on that and you go, okay, so what am I really resisting here then? Cause if that’s really what’s at stake,

if that wasn’t what was at stake for a virus to go around the world for Facebook to become as powerful as it is one person, then what am I really afraid of? And it’s like, well, if you could just go start to get yourself in a position where you are available to be generous, you are fully available. And what people will say is,

well, I don’t have enough of a credential. I’m not this enough. I’m not that enough. And I have fancy letters after my name. And I say, listen, I just told you the truth and all that needs to happen for that person to be so served is an open, generous, empathetic, compassionate heart. Like most people we’re living in such a time of such an empathy deficit,

that if you truly listen and hear and show up right, to lead somebody into their highest and best, whatever that is, because you’re going to give them a better cup of coffee, because you’re going to give them some coaching because you’re going to sell them a better product. It’s done. It’s that? You’re making it about, oh, I need a better PDF.

And I got, I need 15 more paragraphs on my website. No, it’s the connection. It’s the depth of you stood fully with such a generous amount of energy that somebody was completely moved by that. And they had to go. And that is the truth. Whether you’re going into a store or you’re interacting on a website, or you’re talking with a person it’s always the way it makes you feel,

it’s the experience. It really isn’t how great, you know, the colors in the copy. It’s something about the experience of it. We’re looking everywhere, but ourselves, we’re what we’re wanting to blame everything out there. Oh, it’s the colors of the copy. It’s this thing, my ads aren’t running well. It’s, you know, the algorithm,

it’s all of these other things. And it’s really that whole idea of let’s go deep, not wide. I think that fits that whole idea of, you know, stop trying to do all the things. Stop trying to be all the things, stop trying to serve all the customers embrace that rejection, right? That not everyone’s going to love you. You’re not going to have a product that serves every single person in the world.

You’re not going to have a personality that every single person on the world loves. And that’s okay. And that’s actually not just okay, but it’s a really good thing. It’s a real, that’d be like if we could just embrace our own authenticity and dive deep into who we are, and really we would serve the people in our world around us so much better.

And what you just said. Cause we were talking about this before we started recording about like masculine and feminine energy. And the truth is that every human being, regardless of your gender, we both, we have both in us. We have a masculine energy, just like we have a right in the left brain. We have both. And what you just said reminds me of it reminds me of something I’ve been saying lately a lot,

which is people are always saying, what do I need to do? What am I going to do? And the doing is the part of us. I think this more masculine the Dewar, right? If you look at the anatomy, right? The male sort of, as the assert, her and the female anatomy is more of in this like receptive mode.

And I think that what you were just saying to me, it’s like stop asking, what do I need to do? And instead ask a different question, which is who do I need to be? And it’s the energetic of it, right? When you buy a Louis Vuitton or Jimmy Choos, or you stay at the four seasons, you’re buying the energy,

you’re buying the way it makes you feel. Yes. And when you’re learning from someone, whether it’s their podcast, you’re watching them on Instagram within four seconds, you’re in, or you’re not, there’s a residence. And that is something we all have the capacity to do just on the most beautiful level. It’s not the mediocre paint by number. You know,

how many PDFs did you make? It’s something in the way you show up and hold the space, which I think you’re right. If you can free yourself from the agenda, well, they have to like me and just let people be on their path. Right? Then you can show up full tilt, boogie, make space, resonate, show up,

lead, be care, beat, be loving and compassionate and charismatic and enthusiastic and all of that. And it’s incredible how doing that? The holding that kind of space for people will move you so much further than what would happen if you had it all the perfect hair, the perfect face, the perfect, you know, modules Not PDF. Don’t forget that.

Don’t forget the perfect funnel. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Oh, that whole idea of shifting that question of what do I need to do to who do I want to be? I think that’s, I mean, you and I, we obviously could just sit on here and chat forever. I think that’s a really good place. I want us to,

to kind of soak in on that. As we, as we close out the show, Kathy, you’ve given us so much to think about, and this, this is what I love about you. And this is a thing. You do this on your podcast all the time, getting people to think and really bringing incredible guests. Where is the one best place for people to find you?

Is it the podcast? Is it your website? Yeah, the podcast is so fun. We just had Rachel Ray on. We have so many good guests on the show. So you can find, don’t keep your day job wherever you listen to podcasts. And I’m also every single day. I’m on Instagram. I’m in my DMS. I’m posting every day at Kathy dot Heller.

Cathy’s with a C and you can find me there. Abby, thank you so much, Kathy, for coming On. This was one of the funnest conversations. You make it really, really easy. You’re really good at what you do. Oh, Well thank you. I’m going to receive that and just say thank you because I’m working on receiving compliments.

Thank you. You’re welcome. Okay. There is so much unpack year with this episode with Kathy. I told you she was a fire hose of inspiration. I don’t feel like I lied about that. I think you’re going to agree with me after listening to this, there were so many things that she talked about that I feel really tie in with getting you thinking about what it is.

You want that whole idea that we closed out the show with with, you know, turning that question of what do I need to do versus who do I want to be? Oh my gosh. I love that question because again, and you heard this theme throughout all this conversation that we had together. It’s going deep, not wide, really diving into who it is you want to be.

And we talked about that last week in the episode last week, 2 49 about setting the right goals with setting goals that are right for you. That means asking the questions, really looking at what do, who do I want to be? Long-term what is my legacy? What is it I envisioned for my future and then backing that up to figure out okay,

if that’s really what I want, that’s who I want to be. These are the goals I want to set. So if you haven’t listened to that episode, definitely give to 49 Alyson. I think you’re going to find that really helpful in aligning your goals to that idea of who it is you want to be. So one of the other things that Kathy talked about that I thought was so interesting is this idea of the metrics.

And we’re going to do a show later on this season where we talk about the metrics that we’re setting for ourselves, the vanity metrics versus the real metrics and all of those things. But that whole idea of 1.3, that that’s how we grow. That’s how we expand our reach. That’s how we influence and change society as a whole. It’s not by these giant huge leaps.

I mean, when she talked about Facebook group, because of, you know, mark Zuckerberg said it needed to, you needed to have people recommend it to 1.3 friends, that’s astounding, isn’t it, that’s astounding. That number is not that high and so easy to achieve, to change the tide of how society operates, how society thinks and believes. And I want you to keep that in mind,

because for someone like me, who earlier this season announced that I’m no longer on social media, what would it look like if you took this episode or last week’s episode or one of your favorite episodes of the Intentional advantage podcast, and you texted it to 1.3 of your friends, your 0.3 friend is going to be the interesting one, but if you even just recommended it to one friend today,

could that help this message grow? Could we get this groundswell movement going where more people are living with intention, more people are living on purpose. It’s as simple as you taking five seconds to send a screenshot or a link to just one friend, one friend, letting them know that this podcast has influenced you in a positive way. So if you could do that for me,

that would be incredible. I would be forever grateful. That’s how we get a movement going, because truly when we really step into who we want to be, when we take a stand, regardless of what anyone else thinks, when we take the chance to even embrace rejection, like Kathy talked about when we go deep and not wide, that’s when we have the Intentional advantage.

Thanks so much for joining me today. Quick question though, before you go, do you like prizes? When you leave a rating and review of the Intentional advantage podcast, you’ll be entered to win my life changing course, multiplying your time. Simply leave the review and then send me an email@helloatTanyadalton.com with a screenshot. I choose one winner at the end of every month.

So go ahead. Do it right now. Just a quick comment with what you loved about this or the show in general and a rating and send it our way. Not going to lie by stars is my favorite, but I’d love to hear what you think of the show. And if that’s not enough of an incentive for you to win the multiplying your time course,

I have to tell you the reviews are the number one thing that supports this podcast. And me, it’s the best way to spread the word and get business tips and strategies to all those other women out there who need it. So there you go. Two great reasons for you to go and leave a review right now. So go ahead and do it,

send that screenshot my way, because I want to give you a free course and thanks again for listening today. I’ll be back next Tuesday and I’ll plan to see you then.



**The transcript for this top productivity podcast for women is made using AI technology.

As a woman productivity expert, Tanya Dalton, is considered one of the best female keynote speakers on the topics of goal setting, finding balance, and time management. She loves speaking to women in corporate ERG groups, entrepreneurs and organizations.