060: Find Purpose & Change Your Life with Marshawn Evans Daniels

Welcome to Productivity Paradox from inkWELL Press. A podcast focused on finding  success and happiness through the power of productivity. Each season, Tanya focuses  on specific strategies to help you discover your own priorities and purpose. Season  five is all about investing in you. You can also join Tanya for more interaction and  support in her free Facebook group at inkwellpress.com/group. And now, here’s  your host, Tanya Dalton.  

Tanya Dalton: Hello, hello, everyone. Welcome to Productivity Paradox. I’m your  host, Tanya Dalton owner of inkWELL Press. And this is episode  

60. Today’s episode is brought to you by the liveWELL Method,  

and I’ll be sharing more about that course later on in the show.  

But first, I am excited to introduce you to Marshawn Evans  

Daniels. Marshawn is an amazing woman. She’s a good friend of  

mine but she is a reinvention strategist and a life coach who  

mentors women around the world to live bolder. She’s a former  

sports attorney, a Miss America finalist, and a competitor on The  

Apprentice. She left a high-powered law firm and turned her  

passion for people into a multi-million dollar enterprise.  

 Marshawn is passionate about purpose, futurist thinking,  entrepreneurship, and traveling the globe with her husband, Jack.  She has a brand new book coming out called Believe Bigger, and I  cannot tell you how amazing this book is. This is one of the books  I brought with me on my white space vacation because I wanted  to have time and space to really take it all in and I’m so glad I did.  I love this book so much, that I’m actually going to be giving  

away a copy of it and I’ll be sharing details about that later on in  

the show. But first, let’s go ahead and get started talking with  

Marshawn. Marshawn, I am so excited to have you here on the  

show today, thank you so much for coming.  

Marshawn Evans Daniels: Thank you for having me. I’m a huge fan of the show and  you know I’m a huge fan of you.  

Tanya: Well, you’re sweet to say that because I am a huge fan of you and  I am so excited about this book. I love that in your book Believe  

Bigger you share your journey to understanding your purpose  

and you absolutely do not hold back. You’re so unafraid to show  

the good, the bad and well, the downright ugly. I feel that your  

openness is really going to help others understand and  

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appreciate the process we go through as we work to understand  our purpose. Can you tell our listeners … Just touch a little bit  

about the story you share in the book.  

Marshawn: Sure. Well, so the story opens up with me finding out six days  before my wedding that my prince charming, my then fiancee  

was cheating on me. Now when I say six days before my wedding,  I’m talking the dress or dresses, ’cause I had more than one, was  

paid for, the venue paid for, the minister is not only ready to come  in, he’d been doing our pre-marital counseling from out of town  

and all of my guests had their tickets paid for. A lot of things are  

non-refundable. Their hotel rooms were booked. We had a cake  

testing that same day that I found out, a meeting with the host  

hotel and so this wasn’t something that was on my radar of  

course, not that it is on anyone’s radar but I do think sometimes  

we do get signs and I hadn’t really perceived that this would be  

my reality so it was devastating.  

 And so, I go through the shock of all of that, even just the, it’s  kind of, I would say it’s kind of a little bit racy to a certain extent  

of what was it like when I confronted him and these are things  

that I never really wanted to talk about. I am used to talking  

about strategy, about how to be successful, about branding,  

about putting your best foot forward and I never thought that  

this would be my reality or my story and so when it became my  

story I was really ashamed of it and so I wanted to open up with  

getting to the heart of what it feels like to be at rock bottom and  not dance around it. And it was probably the hardest thing that  

I’ve done.  

 I remember sitting down to write the book or trying to sit down  to write the book and just crying for at least an hour, sitting in my  living room and in one of the chairs that I never sit in. You know  

how you have those pieces of furniture in your house that you just  don’t use and so I was sitting in the chair that I really probably  

hadn’t sat in, in three years that we’d lived here and I just said,  

“God, what … How do I start this?”  

 I already had the book deal. I already said this is what I’m gonna  write about but I couldn’t find the first words and then it came to  me and because I was like, I finally thought I found someone who  saw me and it didn’t work and then all of a sudden I opened my  

eyes, my face is an ugly cry, no one else is home but that’s how I  

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started the book. I finally saw someone … Met someone who saw  me and that’s kind of how it opens up. It opens up right in the  

middle in what I call a split rock season, being where you don’t  

wanna be.  

Tanya: And it’s such a powerful story because we all have those  moments in our lives where things that aren’t even in our control  but we feel so much shame for them and we feel like we wanna  

hide them away. So, I love that you’ve brought it to light and I feel  like it really helped you uncover what you call the purpose map.  

So, can you tell me a little about what that purpose map is?  

Marshawn: Sure. So, I’m so glad you asked because that makes me happy. So,  every time … When I still talk about calling my wedding off,  

finding out my fiancee was cheating on me and then it wasn’t just  one person, it was multiple people. You know I’m a lawyer by  

trade so when I am trusting, I’m not digging but when I am at  

high alert, there’s no stone left unturned, which was also more  

devastating.  

Tanya: Mm-hmm (affirmative).  

Marshawn: So, through the process of trying to rebuild my life, I will say one  thing about how I got to the point of creating this purpose map. I  was trying to figure out one, how would I get here? I had this very  successful sport’s agency at the time, representing pro athletes in  the NFL and the NBA and that’s what I was doing when all of this  was happening, but I started feeling like it was time for a shift,  

time for a change. Kind of like that agitation, and I didn’t  

understand why because everything was great. I have this great  

relationship, I’m about to be a bonus mom to three children, I  

have a book that was out at the time called Skirts in the  

Boardroom, I had been on the Apprentice, I have this sexy career  in professional sports.  

 My first client was the highest paid defensive end in the NFL, he  had just signed a $62 million seven year deal and that just opened  up a world. My business was growing and then I felt still like it was  time to pull back, and I was like, “Maybe it’s because it’s time for  

me to become a mom.” And I had wanted that so much. You  

know this because you have children but I didn’t have any  

children and to experience bathing the baby girl at night time and  having … They called me Mimi but when they would post and all  

of that they would have me their bonus mom and that just put  

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everything in perspective where, yeah, I had been very successful  and a super high achiever and to have this, I was like, “Oh, this is  

what I really was built for.”  

 I’m good at a lot of things, I can perform at the highest of high  levels. I love trophies, titles, awards and winning by far, I’m a  

competitor. That’s why I was on the Apprentice, that’s my I was a  Miss America but this was different, this was so different. So, I  

started winding all of that down because my fiancee at the time  

says, “Well, I’ll just take care of you. I’ll help.” He said, “You need  

to take a break. You’ve been going, you’ve never stopped before.”  

 And what woman doesn’t want to hear that. He had bought me  this luxury vehicle and so when everything … When I found out  

and I knew that this wedding was not going to happen and a lot  

of people say it was very brave to call it off so close to but I say it  was grace. So, I had a moment where I felt like I was handling a  

matter for a client but when I called everything off I didn’t have a  back up plan ’cause I had just closed down my business, I had  

referred all of my professional athlete clients to other  

representation and now I don’t know how I’m gonna pay my bills  and I felt, when you talk about shame and embarrassment, I was  

like, “How did I … I’m a Georgetown graduate lawyer, I’m admitted  to practice before the Supreme Court and now I don’t know how  to pay my bills now?” So, it was through this process of  

reinvention and self discovery of taking quiet time, spiritual  

development, personal development, that I realized I had some  

other gifts and talents and desires.  

 I started having this inclination to start working with women,  which was odd for me because I had worked with the fellas. I was  used to being head male mentor, worked with professional  

athletes, I have two brothers, eight male cousins and I was  

comfortable in that space and what I found is that me being  

comfortable there was blocking something that was a greater  

calling, which was working with women and I, now, had just found  out that my fiancee was cheating on me with another woman so  

the idea of working with women wasn’t at the top of my to do list.  Tanya: Right. Understandably.  

Marshawn: So, understandably, and then I talk in the book about some other  things that a lot of women probably listening go through as well,  which is having difficult relationships in the workplace. So, what I  

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discovered though is that a lot times our purpose and our path is  hidden within a place of pain and one of the central premises to  

how I found this purpose map but also what I want us to  

understand as women that are ambitious and trying to balance it  all and figure it all out is that, when we embrace disruption, that’s  the way that we step into a higher destiny. So, it was in that place  that I didn’t want to go that I found, wow, I actually have a voice  

that helps other women come out of a place of difficulty but also  possibility.  

 I was able to use my background in branding in getting  endorsement deals with Rolls Royce and Tiffany and Nike and my  own clients like Ernst and Young, Delta Airlines, Home Depot. I  

was always really good at getting high end sponsorships and  

partnerships and contracts and so I realized I had a transferrable  skill set, although it wasn’t athletes in building their brands  

anymore. Now it’s working with women to help them to really find  their confidence and their dreams and their path into maybe what  they didn’t even know they were made for. So, I wanted to kind of  give that context because I didn’t just wake up with this purpose  

map, I wrestled my way through it and when I looked back I  

found that there were five stages that I went through.  

 Five stages that every person on the planet is supposed to go  through that now I call the purpose map but most people will  

never make it out of stage two. So, I’m gonna pause right there  

because I know that was a longer answer than you were looking  

for but I can share with you the first time that I drew it was on the  back of a napkin for a woman who was a C suite executive at  

Home Depot. I mean, senior level, super duper senior level and we  were at a cocktail reception for Delta Airlines and she told me she  was feeling kind of in this middle space, in this gap space and so I  drew it on a napkin and that was the first time that I got to share  

it with somebody.  

Tanya: Well, I love what you said there about this gap and you talk about  how you were already starting to notice some shifts in your life  

and that’s one of the things you talk about. As we’re shifting out  

of the comfort zone to what you call the growth zone, it’s really  

uncomfortable and I cannot begin to tell you how much this  

resonated with me. It was like you were talking about my own  

path to arriving to my purpose because in the book you say that  you’ll find that what was once stable is now shaky and people  

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that you trust let you down. Sometimes very deeply. So  

something big is disrupting your normal patterns and your life  

gets flipped upside down and you think, “What’s wrong with  

me?” Right?  

Marshawn: Yes.  

Tanya: All of this, all of this happened to me. Obviously, I’m on a different  path than what you were doing but it was amazing to see this  

similarity in our lives and this disruption that we were feeling.  

Marshawn: Yeah.  

Tanya: And I feel like a lot of times these beliefs and behaviors that we  have, they limit us and they keep us from making it through that  

shift. We get stuck in that shift of something’s wrong but we  

don’t know what. So, tell me a little bit about the beliefs and  

behaviors that limit us.  

Marshawn: Sure. Well, the way that you know that a shift is happening is you  take the word shift and you take the F out. And when things start  falling apart, that’s when you know what an awakening is  

happening and so there’s five stages in this purpose process. The  first is discovery. These are the do’s and don’t’s of life where we  

are ingrained with his belief system. We adopt what I call “the  

rules”, which tell us who we can be, what we should do, what we  shouldn’t do. This is where we as women learn people pleasing,  

protocol, the right way to be and who not to be, what to do to be  accepted and approved, our definitions of what’s beautiful, of  

what’s worthy, of what’s smart, of what’s acceptable, both  

religiously, personally, culturally, in terms of our family dynamics.  So, this is where we’re really formed and fashioned but I also  

believe this is where we learn to shrink. We learn how to not color  outside of the lines. For me, I used to get in trouble a lot, I was  

labeled a problem child in school.  

 So, this is where a lot of self esteem wounding happens for all of  us, as women but we don’t recognize it because no one talks to  

us about really conditioning our minds from a possibility  

standpoint. We’re really conditioned from a risk avoidance  

standpoint, we don’t want to be rejected. We don’t want to stand  out too much. So, the first stage is discovery and the rules and  

that really guides the beliefs that we have about ourselves. Stage  two talent is where we pick the lane. We ask the question, who  

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did I decide to be? And this is where we climb one of five  

mountains as women. And I talk about each of the five but for me  the money mountain and being successful was a big one. I  

became a success at it because after being labeled a problem  

child earlier in life I was like, “Well, I can get positive approval if I  

look good, if I win, if I’m impressive.” And that became an idol,  

addictive for me.  

 So, that also becomes a belief system that gets ingrained to us,  are these masks we put on, that we feel like we are what we do,  

we are a mom. That’s one aspect of who you are but there is  

something greater to every women that is beyond what requires  another person, for example, a spouse or your children. Because  

what happens when the man leaves? What happens when the  

children go off to school? What happens when the job ends?  

What happens when your friends just fall apart? Who are you as a  woman in spite of all of that?  

Tanya: Mm-hmm (affirmative).  

Marshawn: The talent stage is important because we learn things that give us  depth but because we’re taught to retire as opposed to reinvent,  we think that, that’s it and we feel empty or we feel awkward  

when shift, absent the F, is happening we feel awkward.  

Tanya: Yeah.  

Marshawn: If we were taught as young girls that one day we will be called to  lead, which we haven’t been taught because that has not been  

the belief system of what we’re designed for. One day we’ll be  

called to lead, one day everything that you’re going through will  

come together in such a way that it will be time for you to shift.  

We wouldn’t be so alone or feel out of alignment, we would feel  

like, wait a minute, this is where I’m supposed to be, this is a  

stretch, this is my season of the growth zone and yeah, it might  

be hard but I’m gonna learn some lessons because I understand  

that there is something greater than who I am as a woman. I have  a voice and now maybe this is the time for me to find it. So, in the  shift, this is where we’re rewriting in this third stage of the gap, it  

should become a shift, it can become a purgatory, where we just  loop forever and say stuck and this is where I believe most  

women are right now.  

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 What I love about what you do with Productivity is it really gives  us a way to overcome overwhelm. I remember the first time you  

and I met and I talked a little bit about overwhelming you said,  

“Overwhelm essentially means you don’t know where to start.”  

And I’ve held onto that. It’s such a golden nugget because the  

thing about moving forward into our destiny and higher levels of  fulfillment and significance is that we’ve got to be willing to leave  success behind. And our success brain is what has created the  

overwhelm to begin with. We’re trying to do too much, we’re  

trying to live up to false standards, we’re trying to still handle all  

the people pleasing, the rule making and not live too far outside  

of the lines, which is what creates the overwhelm that’s keeping  

us up to begin with and blocking us out of our future.  

Tanya: You are talking my language here, I love it.  

Marshawn: Honey, you … When you said that to me, “You don’t know where  to start,” that actually helped me, Tanya, as I was writing what is  

the way out of this gap in stage three, where you’re asking the  

question, so what’s happening to me? And the way out is to get a  bigger vision than what you’ve been through and where you are  

and that’s gonna be scary, it’s gonna freak you out because it’s  

going to be so different than you’ve been and what you’ve done.  It’s not gonna maybe match your degree. I always say your  

degree and your destiny may have nothing to do with each other  because in talent, that’s our decided identity, that’s what we  

decided to do. But what if it’s not what we were born to do?  

What if there’s something greater? And so, I’ll just go through  

these last two quickly. In stage 4, we’re supposed to move into  

the gift stage, which is where we learn our voice and our gifts and  our super powers because I believe every woman is called to lead  and to have influence and to have impact and that none of us is  

exempt.  

 It’s not that some of us are called and some of us aren’t. It’s not  whether we are, it’s just where are we supposed to have  

influence? Whose lives are we supposed to change? And each of  us can do that because we all have a story and we all have a story  because we all have struggles. We all have struggles because we  have breath and life in our being. So, because of that you can  

share your wisdom and your strategy. So, with inkWELL Press,  

what you’ve done is you’ve taken everything that you learned in  

the talent stage.  

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 You were able to rewrite the rules because there was probably  not much that encourages women to go into entrepreneurship  

anyway so you had to rewrite some rules about where you belong  and to close major contracts … I love walking in to major stores  

and seeing your products on the shelf and knowing I shared a  

room with her. But I’m looking at the by-product of you going  

through the gap, going through this, wait, where am I? What am I  doing? Why are things changing? But finding that you had a gift  for graphic design and you weren’t trained in that, you taught  

yourself that.  

Tanya: Mm-hmm (affirmative).  

Marshawn: And to now move into influence where you’re teaching other  women like us how to make a difference in every area of our life.  

How to be more effective. That means, where do we start? And  

so, that’s what we’re supposed to be to end up in stage five,  

which is influence and leaving a legacy and for entrepreneurs I  

talk more about a financial legacy as well but having influence is  

possible for us because we have a voice and every story matters. I  didn’t think my story mattered and who wanted to hear my talk  

about this. So, hearing the feedback from you about how you  

maybe highlighted a page or two …  

Tanya: I highlighted a lot of pages in this book. I mean, this poor book is  so dog-eared and underlined, it’s … Really, so many parts of it  

resonated with me.  

Marshawn: Thank you. Well, the belief system is a process and so to believe  bigger means to believe beyond what you’ve been through and  

what you’ve been trained to believe. It means that you’ve got to  

rewrite and this is why we’re in the gap, the reason why things are  falling apart, the reason why … And you know, I can’t always  

explain things exactly and we may just never know. We have to  

get comfortable with mystery. When we lose the job, when a  

friend betrays us, when we lose a loved one, I can’t explain a tit  

for tat, here’s exactly why this happened and that’s the wrong  

question to ask. The better question is, where am I now being  

led? What does all pf this mean? Because it didn’t happen to me,  it happened for me because of something though that’s within  

1. And I, just like you, found other things that I didn’t know I  

was good at. I was a lawyer working at a big law firm, I didn’t  

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know I was a brander, that I had the ability to do branding and I  

was really a teacher at heart.  

 I didn’t know that I would be teaching wealth building to women  and how to speak and get sponsorships and how to overcome  

their fears. I didn’t know I’d be holding grown women in my arms  just in tears about realizing that they mattered. I didn’t know that  when I was working with athletes. So, we don’t know what’s on  

the other side of our shift but we do need to know that there is  

something that we’re supposed to do and that’s what I want  

women to take away from this. I want you to leave and know and  be able to more clearly articulate your purpose and understand  

that you have a story and you have strategies that you can share  with others.  

Tanya: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Absolutely.  

Marshawn: But I also want them to believe beyond the little voices that have  been hijacking their confidence.  

Tanya: Yeah and this ties in a lot with what we talked about earlier this  season about how bread crumbs are so important for telling our  

story. And I wanna touch a little bit more on why we don’t think  

we deserve what we deserve in just a minute. First, I wanna take a  quick word from our sponsor.  

 This episode is brought to you by inkWELL Press and the return  of my online course The liveWELL Method. I launched this course  for the first time last fall and the results from our students have  

been amazing. Many of them have already made significant  

changes in their lives to discover their unique priorities and  

implement a personalized plan to achieve their dreams and I want  the same for you. I think it’s so important to know and  

understand your own unique priorities and purpose. But let’s be  

honest, digging into something like that can be overwhelming  

and even a little bit daunting.  

 That’s why my new and improved course, The liveWELL Method  2.0 begins with understanding your own foundation. What are the  things you wanna pursue? The things you wanna focus on and the  things that matter most. I redesigned a series of exercises to  

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hold your hand throughout the process. With direct access to me  through our private course Facebook group and live coaching  

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calls, we work together to understand what’s important to you.  

And then we begin to build your own productivity system around  that foundation to create a life with intention. Sound like  

something you’re interested in? Head over to inkwellpress.com/ course for more info. I’m keeping this course limited so  

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 Okay, Marshawn, so, I wanna talk to you a little bit. We talked  about the rules and how we think that’s what defines who we are  but a lot of times they’re not even true. Why is it so hard for us to  ask for what we want and what we really deserve?  

Marshawn: Well, there’s two voices that I talk about in Believe Bigger,  introduce them in chapter three and that chapter’s titled, Stinkin’,  Shrinkin’, Thinkin’.  

Tanya: Mm-hmm (affirmative).  

Marshawn: And we are … So, the two voices, one, little me, is the voice of  fear, it’s the voice of worry, hesitation and self doubt and little me  has a very clear goal and objective, which is to keep you small, to  keep you hesitating and to keep you stuck. Future me, on the  

other side, is the voice of possibility, faith and action and future  

me swallows little me like a vitamin and eats it for breakfast. So,  

future me is wholly obsessed with your progress, advancing you  

forward, out of difficulty and into your destiny. And so with future  me, the thing is we are risk managers as opposed to risk  

engagers and everything in our society teaches us to play it safe.  And so the more messaging we have about what we’re not, who  we’re not and these messages become these inner tapes, these  

inner stories that we have and they sound so real, they actually  

sound rational and I call ’em to rationalize something as to the  

reason why you shouldn’t do it is to tell yourself rational lies.  

Tanya: Mm-hmm (affirmative).  

Marshawn: It doesn’t mean that’s not a truth to it. So, one lie that little me  might be whispering is, “You can’t do this because you don’t have  a degree.” Okay, well, you may not have the degree so that’s a  

rational thing, it’s actually a true statement but it doesn’t mean …  I should say this, it’s factual but it’s not true. It’s factual that you  

may not have a degree but it’s not true that, that has to stop you.  ©Productivity Paradox Page 11 of 13

Tanya: And that’s the lawyer in you talking right there but I really like  that. It’s factual but it’s not true. I love that.  

Marshawn: Yes. And the phrase, “Where there’s a will, there is a way,” the  thing that little me does is, is it squashes our will by making us  

think that we’re not enough, that we don’t matter, that we’re  

insignificant and it’s a lack mindset versus a possibility mindset  

and believing bigger is being intentional to rewrite that and I  

always say, if we were trying to decide between what voice am I  

hearing and what voice am I acting on because it’s not our belief  solely that create our future, it’s our decisions. Our decisions  

create our destiny’s.  

Tanya: Mm-hmm (affirmative).  

Marshawn: It’s what will we decide? And we will decide what we believe in  and we will believe what we’re hearing. So, when you hear the  

voice that speaks in cans versus the one that speaks in can’t’s.  

The one that speaks in can’t’s is always little me. Future me will  

never tell you that you’re incapable, that you can’t do something,  that this is too much or impossible for you. Future me may say no  but only because future me has something else for you to say yes  to.  

Tanya: Mm-hmm (affirmative).  

Marshawn: And that’s very important to distinguish is that some no’s need to  be yes’s but we need to operate with a yes mindset as opposed  

to a no mindset. Look for the next opportunity to be stretched.  

Look for the next opportunity to engage risk as opposed to  

manage risk. We have to stop becoming risk avoiders and to  

become action takers that are willing to be stretched and  

uncomfortable, go through this growth zone so we can get to the  glory zone. So, we have it because we’ve been taught it and  

we’ve also been taught it by a lot of women. A lot of women have  been the ones who told us to play it safe and to not upset the  

cart. I was actually told by a former agent that I had, that the  

message I wanted to write … ‘Cause I wanted to write something  like this years ago and maybe I was ahead of my time but she  

said, “The women will be too broken and the message will be too  big for them to receive it.”  

Tanya: Mm.  

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Marshawn: And I was like, “What?”  

Tanya: Ugh. So defeating.  

Marshawn: But then I’ve heard it in women in leadership so often so if those  were supposed to be my guides and my mentors and they’re  

telling me that I’m thinking too big and I’m getting this from the  

women who are supposed to be developing me, we’ve all be  

shoulded on and we’ve all gotten faulty bad programming as well.  

Tanya: Absolutely. We have all been shoulded on. Shoulda done this,  shoulda done that. I love that. Here’s what I’d love to do  

Marshawn because I feel like there’s so much more for us to talk  

about because I wanna get into what’s happening after that gap.  So, I’d love to have you back next week so we can continue  

talking about this. I think the book is so powerful you have to  

have two episodes. Are you good with that?  

Marshawn: I am for it. Let’s do it.  

Tanya: All right. That sounds great.  

 Didn’t I tell you Marshawn was amazing? I’m thrilled that she’s  coming back next week. In the meantime though, I believe in this  book so strongly. I believe that this book has the possibility to  

really change your life that I want to host a giveaway. I’m gonna  

buy the book myself. This is not something Marshawn has asked  

me to do, I wanna buy the book for one of my listeners. So, I’m  

gonna host a giveaway over on my personal Instagram account,  

which is @Tanyadalton_official. Look for the picture of  

Marshawn’s book and I’ll be sharing details on there. Next week  

we’ll be continuing our conversation with Marshawn. She has even  more pearls of wisdom to share. I cannot wait for you to listen in.  So, until next time happy planning.  

Thank for listening to Productivity Paradox from inkWELL Press. To join Tanya’s free  group, simply go to inkwellpress.com/group.