144: Let Go of FOMO & Embrace the JOMO | Tanya Dalton
October 15, 2019   |   Episode #:

144: Let Go of FOMO & Embrace the JOMO

In This Episode:

I am truly ecstatic for this season of the podcast, which goes along with my book, The Joy of Missing Out. In season 12, we’ll be doing something that we’ve never done before: a call-in style episode where you’ll get to hear from women from all walks of life about finding their JOMO. Today, I preface the season by diving into the word “joy” and what it truly means. I chat about letting go of two of life’s biggest hurdles: busy and worry. I dive into savoring the moments in life that bring you joy, taking the time to find yourself and exploring who you are and what you love to do.

 

Show Transcript:

The Big Idea

Productivity isn’t about doing more; it’s doing what’s most important.

Questions I Answer

  • What is JOMO?
  • How can I have more joy of missing out in my life?
  • How can I increase my productivity?
  • How do I make my days feel meaningful?

Actions to Take

  • Think about what it is that brings you joy. Do yourself a favor and truly savor every single moment of doing what fills you up.
  • If you haven’t already, pick up a copy of my book, The Joy of Missing Out by going to joyofmissingout.com or your favorite retailer. I’d love to have you take part in our virtual book club.
  • Watch my TanyaTV episode, Why I Wrote This Book: The Joy of Missing Out. Feel free to comment and chat with me over there on my YouTube Channel!

Key Topics in the Show

  • Choosing to create a life where joy and happiness can flourish

  • Learning the differences of being busy and being productive

  • Savoring the moments and maximizing our time for what brings us joy

  • Falling victim to the false belief that we should be doing more

  • Allowing yourself space and time to explore who you are and what you love

Show Transcript

Welcome to Productivity Paradox with Tanya Dalton, a podcast focused on …

Hold on, hold on, just a minute. My husband John, who has been recording the intro for all my podcasts, since season two, he does this to me with every new season. He introduces the show and he lets the cat out of the bag about what topic we’re exploring before I even get a chance to do it, but not this time. Because today, I want to share with you what our season topic is because I am so excited. It’s the start are they whole new season and you know what that means, a brand-new topic for us to discuss and dive into over the course of the next 13 episodes. I love having a fresh new season, having it mapped out before me. 

Each time I create a season, i take a lot of time and I intentionally curate the episodes, so they build off one another and they help us get deeper into the theme that we’re discussing. And I am really excited because I knew that I wanted to do a season on the Joy of Missing Out. I knew that with the book having come out at the beginning of October, people would want to dive into a lot of the concepts and the ideas we talk about there. 

And if you’ve listened to this podcast for any length of time, you know I use that term, dive deeper, all the time. That’s because I never want anything I do to be surface level. I don’t ever want you to walk away from anything I do, whether it’s speaking at an event, or talking on this podcast, or teaching a course, or anything else for that matter and feel like, “Well, what do I do now?” So that’s why I created a really in-depth discussion guide, you could almost call a workbook, that comes free with the book. I wanted you to be able to read the book and then apply the concepts and the strategies into your own life. 

You see, what I didn’t want was this. I didn’t want anyone to read the book, get to that last page, and then close the cover and say, “Wow, that was inspirational. Now what?” I want you to get to that last page and say, “Wow, that was inspirational. I’m ready to take action and I know how I’m going to do it. I’m excited and ready to get started.” That right there, that’s my greatest wish with the book. 

So, I was thinking, “Okay, we’ve got the book, we’ve got the discussion guide, we’ve got the downloads and the email companion series that go with the book. What 

else can I do? How can I make these ideas in the book more real?” I share a lot of stories about regular everyday women in the book, women of all ages and all walks of life. Women in college, new moms, working moms, empty nesters, women without kids, women with kids, widows, married women. You get the idea. Well, I share how they apply a lot of those principles of the book, but I really want you women apply what we talk about in the book. 

So, this season of the podcast is completely different from anything we’ve ever done on the show. It’s a call-in style season, so different from the Ask Tanya episodes, 

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where I reply to questions submitted. This instead will be a season where there are real conversations with real women who have struggles or stumbling blocks, and we work through them together here on the show. Back and forth discussion about how to apply what we learn through the book. 

Now, these conversations are prerecorded. They’re not live because, well, a podcast isn’t live. It has to be prerecorded, but they are 100% real and raw and I cannot wait for you to listen because I think you’ll see yourself and your own lite when you hear what these women share. We’ll be covering topics like how to delegate better with your team, to how do I not feel like I’m letting my kids down when I’m trying to say no, to why in the world are these habits sticking? So all kinds of topics, real issues, real stumbling blocks from real women. We cover a lot this season, and each episode, will feature these conversations where I dive in with these women into their struggles for about half the show followed by a second half where we will explore the topic even further based off that discussion. 

And yes, I’ll have an episode or two with a guest expert, but most of the season is filled with women like you. Women who want to let go of busy, who know there’s a better way to live, but are just hitting some stumbling blocks. So yes, women like you, women like me, and I cannot wait for you to meet them. Okay, now, now we can run the intro. Ready? Here we go, John. Welcome to Productivity Paradox with Tanya Dalton, a podcast focused on finding 

true happiness through productivity. Season 12 is different from any shes done before with real conversations with real women, applying strategies and concepts explored in The Joy of Missing Out. This season, you’ll learn how to live more by 

doing less. And now, here’s your host, Tanya Dalton. I do have to say I love that John records the introduction to the podcast. It’s so insanely out of his comfort zone, but he does it because he wants to be a part of the show. So that’s his way of showing up for me and I love it. You could say, it brings me joy. And that’s what I want to talk to you about today. Are you ready for our season on JOMO? Because I know that I am. But let’s talk about what that means, because joy is one of those words that feels so light and airy and fabulous. Really, I truly believe we want more joy in our lives because here’s the question. When you’re asked, “How are you?” How often do you say joyful, or happy, or excited, or just about any other word other than busy? Busy, it’s our default answer, isn’t it? 

We believe we need to be busy, that if we aren’t busy, we are somehow failing. Why is it that not being busy makes us feel like we failed, but not feeling joy in our lives is just, well, that’s just the way life works. Do me a favor, will you? I want you to shut your eyes. If you’re driving while listening to the podcast, please do not shut your eyes, but still, I’d like you to think about this. I want you to picture in your mind right now, a person in your life who means a lot to you. Just one person, someone that you love could be your spouse or significant other, could be your child or a best friend or a parent, or just about anyone. Just someone who means something to you. All right? You them pictured in your mind? 

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NOW, I want you to think about your greatest wish for that person. If you could wave a magic wand and make it so, what would you wish for that person that you love so much? Did you think about that? Now here’s the truth. I know what you wished for. You wished for them to be happy. It doesn’t matter what words you used, 

you might’ve said that you want them to do well in school, or to be successful, or to meet their soulmate. It could be that you dream of them living a better life, being in a great relationship, or achieving a goal. All of that, every single bit of that is steeped in happiness, isn’t it? We want those people we love to experience joy. Joy, happiness, whatever you want to call it, it’s at the root of every wish, every goal, every desire, every dream. 

Why do you want to make more money? So, you don’t have to worry about paying your bills? I think that’s joy right there, isn’t it? Why do you want to train for that marathon so badly? Well, to cross the finish line and experience joy. Why do you want to start a business? Well, to be your own boss and call the shots. Joy, right? We want more joy in our lives. We want to miss out on the worry, miss out on feeling unhealthy, miss out on the stress. We want more Joy of Missing Out and that’s what you deserve. You deserve joy. We have to go out and we have to choose joy. We just 

about this a few weeks ago during our five days to finding your joy challenge, didn’t we? That free challenge was so eye opening for me. And I know for so many of you, the light bulb moments that so many of you experienced through that challenge was incredible. The emails and the notes and the stories that you posted reinforced 

everything that I believe. That we have to actively make the choice. We have to choose to create a life where joy and happiness can flourish. 

We can choose to let go of the heavy burden of busy and choose to step into a life where joy can be cultivated, where our priorities are the focus of our day, and where we can give our time and energy to the people, the causes, the beliefs that matter most to us. It truly is a choice. And I want to talk about this idea of choosing 

joy and finding the Joy of Missing Out in just a minute. But first I want to give a quick shout out to today’s sponsor. 

This episode has been sponsored by the University of California, Irvine, or UCI. UCI’S Division of Continuing Education can be a great resource for anyone who’s 

looking to gain credits towards a master’s degree, or for those who want to reenter the workforce after taking some time off, or even just to learn some new skills that can help you with the new business you’ve been thinking about starting. Now, for those of you who are trying to juggle work and family while also attempting to pursue a career change, UCI 100% online courses that are convenient and flexible, and they have a diverse assortment of courses that are taught by industry practitioners with real-world experience. So no matter what you’re looking for, UCI has tons of specialized studies including digital marketing, paralegal, business and education, health care, project management, human resources, and many, many others. Registration’s now open and they have a great deal for Productivity Paradox listeners. 

to ce.uci.edu/productivityparadox, and enter the promo code paradox, to get 15% off one continuing education course. And again, that’s 

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ce.uci.edu/productivityparadox. Don’t forget to use that code, paradox, to get 15% off one course. This offer is valid until December 31st, 2019. 

As I mentioned before the break, it takes choosing. It means we have to make a choice. We have to choose to let go of busy, to let go of worrying about what everyone else will think if we’re not cramming our days full. Because here’s the question, how are you spending your 168 hours of your week? Every day, we have 1,440 minutes, where we can find joy. But instead, we’re using every last one of them in pursuit of being “productive”, productive there obviously in quotes, because that’s not truly being productive using every last minute to try to get work done. Squeezing every drop out of every minute isn’t productive. It’s busyness. We mistake busyness as productivity, but it’s not the same thing. 

Productivity is not about doing more. It’s doing what matters most. That’s the entire premise behind The Joy of Missing Out. We have to let go of busy and embrace that our time is not always best spent on tasks. And I mentioned this in the book, but it’s true. It’s not about managing our time. It’s savoring the moments. It’s taking those minutes we have and maximizing them for what brings us joy. But I understand why this has happened. The lines between productive and busy are so blurred that most people think that they‘re only being productive when they‘re moving, running from task to task, checking items off their list. 

At a study at the University of Chicago, they actually found that people believe that busyness is needed for productivity, and this false belief is so strong that they have a name for it. Idleness aversion, which means busyness is valued at such a high level, that we actually began to fear being restful or taking time for ourselves. We fear being restful. We think we cannot slow down, that we should be cramming 48 hours’ worth of tasks into our 24-hour days. Otherwise, we’re not doing it right. We’re not doing enough. We’re doing it all wrong. 

There is this false belief in today’s world that when we’re not busy, we are somehow failing. But how are we filling our minutes? Are we filling them with things that bring us joy? Are they filled with our purpose, our passion, our priorities, or are they simply being filled? Are you filling the minutes in your day or are you filling your soul? I found through working with so many women that so often we fill our days as a way to distract ourselves, to keep us from the deep work. And you know why? Because deep work can be a little bit scary. I mean, what if I do the work and I find that I don’t like what I see there? That seems to be the underlying worry. What if I don’t have anything meaningful to work towards in my life? 

I can see that worry in the eyes of so many women. Thear it in the words that they speak. I feel it when I hug them tight, when I speak at events. But here’s the truth. Your life, my life, our lives have meaning even when you don’t know what it is. It’s so true. And I really think that is one of the biggest things that keeps us from moving forward, from finding joy. We fill our day because what if there’s nothing else out there? What if my whole purpose in life is nothing or I never discover it? 

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Jack and I have actually been going for walks lately after dinner. And he is 16, so the fact that my son is happy to walk next to me through the neighborhood isn’t something I take lightly. But what’s been amazing honestly, is that we’ve been having these really deep conversations about college and the future. And this theme that keeps coming up again and again is, ‘What if I can’t figure it out?” He says, “What if I go to college and I still don’t know what I want to do?” And I tell him, “That’s okay.” 

pushes further, “What if I get a degree though, and I never use it? What if I graduate and I don’t know wholam or what I want to be?” 

I want to give you the answer that I gave him. We are all just figuring it out. Every single one of us. And it’s okay to not know who you want to be when you grow up. Even long after college, I didn’t know what I wanted to be until I was 40 years old, which happens to be the same age as Julia Child when she wrote her first cookbook, the same age as Vera Wang when she designed her first dress, same age as Stan Lee when he released his first big comic book. 

So Jack, it’s okay not to know what you want to be when you grow up. None of us are grownups. No matter our age, we’re still growing and evolving and changing. And it’s okay not to know how it all ends right now. 

But here’s the truth. When we don’t allow ourselves the space and the time to explore who we are and what we love, life feels hard. We have to choose to miss out on being busy and feeling stretched too thin. Let’s choose to miss out on saying yes to everyone but ourselves. Let’s choose to find happiness hidden in our everyday life. That, that’s the Joy of Missing Out. And that’s what I want us to discover this season. 

I want you through listening to these women’s stories, and some of these stories are so raw and so open and so honest. I’m so incredibly grateful for these women to come forward to share their stories, to be open to talking about it because they know it’s going to make a difference for you. That’s what I’m most excited about with the season. Is us working together to help you find Joy of Missing Out, to understand how we apply all of this into our own lives. This season on the Joy of Missing Out, is the season I feel like I have been meant to create for you guys. Because I truly believe when we hear ourselves in other people’s stories, we feel seen. We know we’re not alone. We know that other people out there feel exactly the same and that is okay. It’s a very good thing. So, know that this season is really all about you. It’s all about you and how you feel about your days. Instead of filling your days, we’re going to start filling your soul. That’s what I want when we get to that last episode of this season for you to feel ready to go. 

One of the things I did this week is I actually did a different type of episode for Tanya TV. It’s very different because normally I do episodes that are full of tips and strategies. But this week, it’s a message for me to you from my heart. I wanted you to know why I wrote the Joy of Missing Out. So, I made the video so you’d understand why I feel so passionately about the Joy of Missing Out Movement, because that’s what this book is. It’s more than pages bound together. It’s a movement to live your best life, to let go of busy, and step into the beautiful life that you deserve. 

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So, I would love for you to watch that video because it really is a message from me to you about why this is important to me. Why I wrote the book, which led to this season here. So, you can watch that at Tanyadalton.com/youtube. Tanya with an o and a Y. 

And yes, this season is all about the Joy of Missing Out. Soldo want to ask you to go and get the book. Do you have to have the book to enjoy the season? No, you don’t have to. But if you appreciate what I do here on the podcast, if you feel like you’ve gotten any nuggets of wisdom or shifts in your mindset, getting my $20 book is a good way to let me know. I’ll be referencing parts of the book throughout the season, sol do think you’ll find it helpful. Plus, I think it dives even deeper than even if you listened to all 144 episodes here on Productivity Paradox. With that free discussion guide and the email companion series that comes with it, it’s almost like having me sitting next to you, helping to apply it all to your own life. So, go to 

t.com, go to your favorite retailer. Go to Barnes & Noble, go to Target, go to Amazon, go to wherever you want and pick up a copy of the book. 

It really does mean a lot to me and I truly believe the book can change your life. I’ve already seen it in the messages I’ve gotten from women who’ve read the book. I’ve already gotten emails and stories and videos from so many people talking about how it’s transformed how they feel about their days, and that’s what I want for you. I would never offer you anything that I didn’t feel would benefit you. 

And one of the things I have planned for later on this month, starting October 29th, we’re going to be doing a virtual book club where we dive even more into the topics covered in the book, during some live get togethers, where you’re going to be able to ask me questions and i’ll be answering them live. I’m really looking forward to it. So, go ahead and grab that copy of your book so you’re ready to go for the book club, and so that you’re ready to go to take more ownership over your days. That’s what I’m most excited about. 

All right, this season is well underway, about the Joy of Missing Out. Next week, We’re going to get started by having a conversation with Amy, about how we can really understand what our north star is, and how to make your mission, vision statement and core values really work for you and your life. And I’ll be sharing a little method to make it even easier. So, I look forward to seeing you here, next week. All right. Until next time, have a beautiful and productive week. 

 

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